Right, so apparently, according to someone on X called Satoshi Flipper (sounds like a dodgy sushi chef, doesn’t it? 🍣), Bitcoin *might* be about to, like, totally rebound. Apparently it’s broken out of some “falling wedge pattern.” Sounds kinky. Anyway, it went up to, like, $88,000 – almost enough to buy a small flat in London 😩 – then crashed. As usual. Macroeconomic pressures, darling. You know, the usual suspects.
Bitcoin’s Falling Wedge (Ooh-err!) Sparks Rally Hopes
Satoshi Flipper (still giggling) says it’s all about this wedge thingy. Apparently, it means it *could* go up. Or maybe not. Who knows? It’s Bitcoin, after all. More unpredictable than a blind date.
For those of us who failed maths at school (guilty! 🙋♀️), the “falling wedge” is apparently two lines sloping downwards. This means… something. Buy! Sell! Panic! Eat chocolate! 🍫
So, Bitcoin went up, broke the wedge (rude!), and then hit a wall at $88,000. Then those pesky US tariffs came along and ruined everything. Thanks, Biden! (Or Trump? I can never remember.)
But! (There’s always a but, isn’t there?) It’s still hovering around $82,000-$84,000. Satoshi (giggle) says it *could* go up to $110,000. That’s, like, a whole deposit on a *slightly* bigger flat. Maybe. If I sell all my shoes. 👠👠👠 Worth it?
If this miracle happens, we’ll have to battle resistance at $88,000, $98,000, and $105,000. Sounds exhausting. And if it goes wrong? Back down to $78,000. *Sigh*. Pass the wine. 🍷
BTC Exchange Fees Rise By 77% (Ouch!)
In other thrilling news, network fees are up! Yay? Apparently, it means people are moving their Bitcoin to “private wallets.” Sounds like they’re having an affair with their crypto. Very modern.
IntoTheBlock (whoever they are) also say there’s been a net outflow of $300 million. Which is a lot of money. Even for Bitcoin. All this supposedly means the market’s “healthy.” I’ll believe it when I see it. And when I can finally afford that Chanel bag. 👜
Right now, it’s trading at $83,390. Down a bit. As always. With a market cap of $1.66 trillion. Which is, like, a *lot* of zeroes. Still the biggest crypto, apparently. Whatever. I’m off to buy more lottery tickets. 💸
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2025-03-30 10:40