Oh, what a schlemiel of a day it was! The crypto world turned into a slapstick routine, with Bitcoin taking a nosedive from $77,000 to $60,000 faster than you can say “Spaceballs”! And the altcoins? Fuhgeddaboutit! XRP lost 20%-it’s like they tripped over their own blockchain!
In just 24 hours, $2.6 billion vanished into thin air. Poof! Like a magician’s rabbit, but with fewer applause and more tears. Nearly 600,000 traders got liquidated-that’s more people than showed up for my last stand-up gig in Cleveland. Oy vey!
So, what’s the deal? The Kobeissi Letter says it all started on October 10th, when $19 billion in leveraged positions got wiped out. That’s right, folks-something “structural” changed. Probably the same day I realized my career peak was Blazing Saddles.
“Something structural appears to have shifted on October 10th. Markets never truly recovered. It’s like my love life after High Anxiety.”
– The Kobeissi Letter (@KobeissiLetter) February 5, 2026
Bitcoin stayed in a range for two months, but the market was as stable as a unicycle on a tightrope. Sentiment? Broken. Liquidations? Nonstop. It’s a vicious cycle, like trying to explain Young Frankenstein to a room full of accountants.
“It’s a structural decline. Or as I like to call it, a ‘Springtime for Bitcoin’ that never bloomed.”
Market depth? Down 30% since October. Selling pressure? Spreading like a rumor in a small town. And the cherry on top? Some big shot-probably an institution-panicked and sold like I panic at a vegan buffet.
“Bitcoin fell $9,000 in one day. That’s more dramatic than the ending of History of the World, Part I.”
– The Kobeissi Letter (@KobeissiLetter) February 5, 2026
When Will the Madness End?
The big question: Have we hit rock bottom, or is there more pain coming? The analysts say Bitcoin will bottom when “structural liquidity is restored.” Translation: when everyone’s too broke to care. Sounds like my bank account after producing The Producers.
“Capitulation in price, leverage, and sentiment. Basically, when everyone’s crying into their crypto wallets.”
The good news? We’re “somewhat near that point.” So, grab your popcorn, folks-this crypto comedy isn’t over yet. Just remember, it’s all funny until someone loses $2.6 billion. Then it’s hilarious.
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2026-02-06 11:40