Bitcoin’s 5th Wave: A Disaster or Just Another Plot Twist?

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Oh great, another day in the crypto circus. Bitcoin’s inching toward $70,000, which is wild because I thought it was supposed to crash to $52,000 last week. Wait, no-Tara, the “analyst” who’s basically just guessing while eating a sandwich, says the fifth wave isn’t over. Of course it isn’t. Why would it be? The market’s just a rollercoaster where the tracks are made of Jell-O and the cart is controlled by a squirrel on espresso.

In a recent post on X (formerly Twitter, now a place for people to yell about crypto), Tara claimed the price could still “fall to as low as $52,000.” That’s not a prediction; that’s a threat. Like, “Hey, I’m going to let you go down a hill in a shopping cart unless you give me 5% of your life savings.”

Double Bottom Support At $59,900 And $60,500

Technical analysis? Please. It’s just lines on a chart that an “analyst” drew while half-awake, pretending they’re a Wall Street genius. Tara says Bitcoin has “major support” around $59,900-$60,500. Major? More like “meh, maybe, if the moon cooperates.” She calls it a “double bottom,” which sounds fancy until you realize it’s just the price falling, bouncing, then falling again like a broken pogo stick.

If Bitcoin hits that range, she says there’ll be a “strong reaction.” Stronger than my willpower not to check my portfolio every five minutes? Doubtful. A bounce back to $64,400 would be nice, but let’s be real-it’ll just pause long enough for you to buy in before tanking again. Classic.

And if the “macro fifth wave” continues? Well, get ready for one final push lower to $52,000. Because nothing says “trust the process” like a guaranteed loss of half your savings. But hey, it’s a “worst-case scenario,” so the best-case is probably Bitcoin becoming a meme coin about existential dread.

The RSI indicator is “approaching oversold territory.” Great, so now we’re measuring despair with numbers. Tara says watch for “bullish divergence,” which is just code for “I have no idea, but if the chart looks cool, maybe it’ll work.”

Bitcoin Might Register Higher Support At $64,000

$64,000 is now a “decisive pivot.” Decisive for what? My ability to quit while I’m ahead? Probably not. The price keeps flipping between support and resistance like it’s trying to break a mirror. If Bitcoin breaks above $70,000, congrats-you’ve survived the crypto roulette for now. If it drops below $64,000? Enjoy your new life as a broke guy who once believed in a “hodl strategy.”

At $68,220 right now, up 4% in 24 hours. Four percent! That’s like getting a 4% raise in the year 2024. Meanwhile, the risk of a pullback is “still there.” Of course it is. It’s always there. It’s the crypto equivalent of a storm cloud that never stops raining.

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2026-02-27 03:05