Bitcoin’s Epic Plunge: Who Knew Investing Could Be This Painful? 😂😱

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Oh, dear public companies! How you twirl in despair as your Bitcoin (BTC) strategies crash and burn! Such is the fate of those placing their faith in mercurial cryptocurrencies, as their beloved Bitcoin has taken a nosedive.

In a marvel of poor timing, BTC has dipped below $80,000, igniting yet another raucous debate among the financially audacious regarding corporate investments in this whimsical world of digital coins.

Are Bitcoin Reserve Strategies a Tragic Comedy for Companies?

The week began with an air of solemnity as cryptocurrency enthusiasts labeled Monday as “Black Monday.” With BeInCrypto reporting a drastic decline of 9.6% within mere hours, Bitcoin now wallows at $75,089—an embarrassing fall from grace, worthy of a Shakespearean tragedy.

Meanwhile, those liquidation figures have clashed upon us like a flock of exuberant pigeons. According to Coinglass, Bitcoin bore witness to the highest liquidations ever, tallying a staggering $474 million in losses. With $405.7 million from long liquidations and a mere $68.2 million from short liquidations—after all, some things are best left left short for entertainment value. 😜

Those poor unfortunate souls holding Bitcoin reserves must now confront heavy unrealized losses, as if they were startled rabbits caught in a headlight of a rogue vehicle. The charts from Bitcoin Treasuries reveal that the once-promising NGU (number-go-up) ratio has grown rather sombre for many firms.

Indeed, the market price of Bitcoin now sits demurely below the acquisition costs of various institutional investors. Metaplanet (3350.T), for instance, is experiencing a melancholic 12.4% unrealized loss on its Bitcoin jewels. Holding 4,206 Bitcoins worth approximately $314.7 million, they play the tragic role of capitalists outsmarted by a stubborn market, with a heart-wrenching average cost of $85,483 per Bitcoin.

Our fiends at The Blockchain Group (ALTBG.PA) are savouring a more bitter 14.4% lost sentiment. Clinging to their 620 Bitcoins valued at $46.39 million, their average cost of $87,424 seems like a comedy gag gone wrong.

Semler Scientific (SMLR), too, finds itself ensnared in this comedy of errors with a 14.7% loss on financial folktales. Holding 3,192 Bitcoins valued at $238.9 million, their average cost per Bitcoin is a solemn $87,850.

Ah, Strategy (MSTR), once a paragon of corporate Bitcoin bravado, now faces the music. Since their Bitcoin acquisition journey began back in the hallowed days of August 2020, they’ve amassed 528,185 Bitcoins, sitting on a pot of $39.5 billion, with an average cost of $67,485. All looks bright—until you scrutinize the data from SaylorTracker, which reveals all Bitcoin bought since November 2024 is a thundering loss. The irony of acquisitions priced between $83,000 and $106,000 has indeed set the stage for a tragic farce.

As Bitcoin tumbles, it drags the companies’ stocks along like a misguided tour group. The descent is poetically charming—3350.T experienced a dive of 20.2%, while ALTBG.PA kissed the ground with a graceful 15.8% drop. SMLR barely survived the fall with a mere 0.6% dip, while MSTR collapsed by 11.2% in pre-market trading, despite showcasing a bit of resilience. Will they ever learn not to dance with volatility? 🕺💃

In this financial calamity, the ever-astute Peter Schiff, who has long harbored a skepticism of Bitcoin, couldn’t resist taking a jab at Strategy.

“Attention Saylor, now that Bitcoin is below $80,000, if you want to prevent it from plummeting beneath your average cost of $68,000, do hurry! Bring forth borrowed money and go all in!” he declared with a sardonic flourish on X.

Ah, what wisdom! Schiff deftly predicted that the company’s Bitcoin endeavors might end up as a financial Greek tragedy.

“It will conclude in the dramatic bankruptcy of MSTR,” Schiff prophesied, likely while sipping tea with a smirk.

The scholar further challenged the notion of Bitcoin as a safe haven. His logic, as exquisite as ever, pointed out that the coin’s monumental fall compared to other assets seals its reputation as a laughable store of value, especially in tumultuous times. 🥴

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2025-04-07 15:56