Ah, the legendary Bitcoin, trembling on the edge of yet another epic last hurrah, or so our dear prophet of profits claims. A certain crypto soothsayer, Rekt Capital – who, I suppose, earned his moniker the hard way – insists that this dip we’re clutching our wallets over is no mere accident. Nay! It’s the prelude to a glorious, final, and utterly dramatic breakout that will send the price soaring into the celestial realms of new all-time highs. 🎉
He’s got a flock of 556,900 followers on what I assume is X (formerly Twitter, because who remembers anymore?) hanging onto every word, imagining themselves rich in a matter of days. Our soothsayer points to the ancient pattern cycles-because nothing screams “guaranteed profit” like cramming history into a crystal ball.
For those unversed in trading mumbo jumbo, “price discovery” is just a fancy way of saying “We’re all riding a rollercoaster to the moon or a dumpster-whichever comes first.” The idea is that Bitcoin will blast off to uncharted heights, making past records look like mere warm-up acts.
“Right now,” he says, “Bitcoin began its usual drama-pullbacks! Just like in 2017 and 2021. In 2017, it did a quick and painful -29% week-long squeeze, and in 2021, a slightly longer -25% ordeal. The fun part? Each retrace got shallower and faster. If history is anything, this should set us up for the grand finale-*The Third and Final Price Discovery Uptrend!*”
“Should Bitcoin dip again,” he adds, “it’ll need to fall below $114,000 first, which is just the warm-up before the fireworks. Shorter, shallower pulls-because who likes a long, boring dip?”
The soothsayer also has his eye on the calendar, predicting that this week is where the magic-and the inevitable retrace-will happen, according to the sacred scrolls of past cycles.
“Bitcoin’s dance of discovery typically wraps up between week five and eight,” he declairs, looking at his crystal ball. “And guess what? Week seven starts Monday. So, hold onto your hats-or your Bitcoin-because the show’s about to get real interesting.”
At this very moment, Bitcoin is trading at $116,366, down a modest 1.6% in the last 24 hours. Sock it to us, coin gods. Or maybe just pull the lever and see where it lands. Cheers to the rollercoaster that’s never boring! 🎢💰
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2025-08-19 00:12