Bitcoin’s Wild Ride: CME Gaps, Tariffs & Tumble Mayhem

by

Key points (because apparently lists make everything feel official):

  • Bitcoin, in its infinite wisdom, decided to take yet another scenic route downhill 📉. This time it stopped for tea at July’s CME gap like it was bloody Nando’s.

  • Traders are now more divided than my ex’s WhatsApp group chat – nobody knows if BTC‘s off to Ibiza or stuck in Gatwick Airport loo.

  • US trade tariffs hit crypto harder than my mother’s disapproval when I said I was “just browsing” in Harvey Nichols (lies, darling, all lies).

Bitcoin (BTC), the dramatic little minx, achieved new three-week lows Friday because apparently US trade tariffs are now officially more upsetting than finding out your Pret loyalty card expired.

BTC Price Fills CME Gap Like Overzealous Uni Fresher

Data from CryptoMoon Markets Pro and TradingView (because we must cite things lest the finance police come knocking) showed BTC/USD falling to $114,322 on Bitstamp before bouncing back like drunken karaoke enthusiasm after four Cosmopolitans.

In this bold maneuver, BTC filled an entire “gap” in CME Group’s Bitcoin futures markets leftover from July like an overeager boyfriend “helpfully” filling your wardrobe gaps with hideous handbags.

As we all know by now (unless you’ve been living under a rock with only Gary from accounts for company), the market loves to fill weekend gaps faster than Bridget Jones fills her M&S knickers drawer.

$BTC CME gap filled to the dollar.

Bounce time?

— Hardy (@Degen_Hardy) August 1, 2025

“We should see a nice upwards movement now,” declared Ted Pillows (actual surname or just what he sleeps on? The world may never know) with the confidence of a man who’s definitely not just Googled “how to sound crypto-smart.”

Others weren’t so sure. Bitcoin, they mused, needs to show better form than my disastrous 2007 Zumba phase if it wants to avoid total humiliation.

“Now that the gap is tapped, we watch closely,” trader Cipher X told followers, whilst secretly refreshing CoinGecko under the table like it’s porn circa 2002.

Crypto Candy (real name, questionable life choices) insisted Friday’s daily close must be above $115,000 – or else “we may see it at the 111.8k area before the next leg up to ATH,” which sounds ominously like my mother’s “we need to talk” voice.

Bitcoin Suffers While Stocks Give Zero Foxes

Bitcoin thus plummeted harder than my self-esteem when Daniel Cleaver swanned into the office wearing that bloody gray v-neck.

Meanwhile, S&P 500 futures merely shrugged like a rich auntie hearing about one’s avocado toast habit (“Oh darling, you’re still eating those?”).

“The market says the trade war has lost all credibility,” declared trading resource The Kobeissi Letter, sounding suspiciously like Mark Darcy explaining Latin at a dinner party.

Stocks joined Bitcoin’s chaotic energy regardless, with the S&P previously hitting highs thanks to tech earnings – much like how three gins can make anything seem like a brilliant idea until tomorrow’s regret.

This all happened despite inflation data coming in hotter than my ill-advised Tinder date with the “entrepreneur” who turned out to just sell protein shakes from his boot.

Earlier in the week, Fed Chair Jerome Powell gave his best “disapproving headmaster” impression whilst leaving interest rates unchanged, making markets price out rate cuts for 2025 – which, let’s be honest, is about as welcome as discovering your Uber Eats order went to next door’s drunk teenager.

Read More

2025-08-01 11:00