Bitcoin’s Wild Ride Sends $263 Million In Shorts To The Shadow Realm—You’ll Never Guess Who’s Sobbing

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It was a rotten day in the world of crypto, but only if you’re the sort who likes betting against gravity. For those daredevil souls shorting Bitcoin, the morning’s cup of tea was served with a dollop of utter despair and a sprinkle of “Whoops! There goes my life savings.” 😱

Bitcoin Tiptoes Up To $100,000 And Gives It A Wink

Earlier this week, Bitcoin tripped and skinned its knee under $94,000—“Ouch!”—but in true superhero fashion, it’s dusted itself off and is now prancing about above $99,000. You could almost hear the party poppers in the blockchain, if such things existed.

Behold! A rather serious-looking chart, for those who adore their numbers sizzled in suspense:

This is the highest our plucky Bitcoin has soared since February. If more folks keep snapping it up like golden tickets, it’ll be barging down the $100,000 door any minute now.

Meanwhile, our friend Bitcoin isn’t jostling for glory alone—he brought the whole gang! Turns out, several altcoins decided to go full show-off, with better returns than Bitcoin’s rather modest 2.5% leap in the last 24 hours.

The actual class clown here? Ethereum—leaping up a whopping 7%. Someone buy ETH a medal (or maybe a cookie):

If you squint at the graph, you’ll see dear Ethereum smashing through $1,950. Given that ETH’s usual talent lately has been tripping over its own shoelaces, this dramatic stunt is truly a plot twist.

The entire crypto kingdom has been on a roller coaster, with more ups and downs than Mr. Willy Wonka’s Great Glass Elevator. Naturally, the derivatives market had a nervous breakdown. 🦑

Crypto Derivatives: Where Fortunes Go Poof In The Night

According to the magical soothsayers over at CoinGlass, there’s been a glorious splat of liquidations on the derivatives playground. What’s a liquidation, I hear you cry? Picture someone betting their house on a three-legged donkey to win the Derby, only to watch it wander off to munch daisies. When the losses get outrageous enough, the exchange comes over, slaps their hand, and says “Sorry, better luck next time, old bean.”

Don your monocle and gaze upon this delightful table of carnage:

Astonishing! $377 million in contracts slapped with the liquidation paddle in one single day, leaving over $290 million in short positions sobbing in the corner. That’s more than 77%—if you’re not good at maths, just picture a pie with nearly all the tasty bits eaten by the house. 🥧

And get this: Bitcoin’s shorts suffered $130 million in liquidations, more than Ethereum’s $90 million, even though Ethereum pranced much higher. Conclusion? ETH just isn’t attracting the wild-eyed gamblers these days, not like the BTC casino.

Place your bets, grab your Oompa Loompas, and let’s see who’s next in line for the liquidator’s shoe-polish surprise. Who says finance can’t be fun?

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2025-05-09 02:40