So… imagine you’re at brunch, sipping something desperately overpriced, and suddenly you get wind that US Democratic lawmakers have penned a strongly-worded letter to the US Treasury. Why? They want to peek at every suspicious activity report (SAR) associated with Trump’s crypto escapades. That’s right, there’s apparently more questionable energy swirling around his digital ventures than in my last disastrous Hinge date.
The culprits behind this prose? Representatives Gerald Connolly, Joseph Morelle, and Jamie Raskin, who, on May 14, plopped a long “Dear Scott Bessent” (lucky guy) onto Treasury’s desk. Their request: “Please, could we have all the juicy SARs filed since 2023 about World Liberty Financial (WLF) and the Official Trump (TRUMP) token? Stat.” Because nothing says legislative romance like unearthing spicy financial drama.
For those playing along at home: banks and buddies have to send SARs to the Financial Crimes Enforcement Network (FiCEN, for the acronym nerds) whenever someone blinks suspiciously. Examples: money laundering, fraud… or, you know, anything vaguely Trump-shaped.
The plot thickens! The probe wants SARs mentioning basically anyone with a “PAC,” a Musk, or a hint of Melania. WinRed, PAC America, Trump, WLF, TRUMP, Justin Sun, your aunt’s tortoise—anyone could be next. Deadline? May 30. Because apparently these things have a due date, like bad milk or election promises.
According to our red-inked lawmakers, their goal is very wholesome: save the world from campaign finance goblins, consumer snafus, fraud, bribes, securities shenanigans, and “other anti-corruption laws.” Because if there’s one thing the world’s been pining for, it’s politicians keeping other politicians honest. 😏
Democrats looking side-eye at Trump’s digital piggy banks
One of the sauciest bits: The gang argues WLF could turn into a foreign influence party bus, since part of its tokens went to non-Americans—the kind of folks who don’t know the difference between a Super PAC and a pancake. Justin Sun (a man who collects lawsuits like some people collect Funko Pops) also shows up, since he invested in WLF just as the SEC paused their legal chase.
Trump’s token is also having its moment. Lawmakers note—surprise!—nobody knows who’s buying these coins. Shadowy mystery buyers could use them to “curry favor with Trump.” Maybe they’ll throw in a sad little NFT portrait of the man himself. The possibilities boggle the mind.
Meanwhile, SAR requests stretch all the way to WinRed—the Republican digital cash machine—and to the Muskian super PAC that allegedly rolled $250 million into Trump’s election fund. Someone’s clearly got a spreadsheet open and a very, very big cup of coffee.
It’s not stopping there: Dems are firing off fresh attacks like confetti at a billionaire’s birthday. In case you missed last week’s episode, someone leaked that senators wrote the Department of Justice and Treasury complaining about Trump’s love affair with Binance, the world’s shadiest crypto exchange (allegedly. Please don’t sue me, Binance).
And then, May 6: two new anti-Trump-crypto bills drop, and a whole subcommittee inquiry. Somewhere, an intern is Googling “how to file a SAR” and crying softly into their Red Bull.
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2025-05-15 05:19