Ah, the world of cryptocurrencies-a swirling cauldron of whispers, wild theories, and enough drama to make even a Hollywood screenwriter blush. Enter Tether CEO Paolo Ardoino, who found himself at the center of an absurd circus when YouTuber Clive Thompson (cue dramatic music 🎶) accused the stablecoin giant of swapping Bitcoin for gold like it was some sort of medieval trade fair.
The furor began on September 6, when Thompson, armed with spreadsheets and a flair for melodrama, claimed Tether had offloaded over $1 billion worth of Bitcoin while secretly hoarding $1.6 billion in shiny, glittery gold bars. Cue gasps from crypto Twitter 🐦 and apocalyptic predictions about the death of Bitcoin. “They’re dumping BTC!” cried the masses, clutching their pearls-or rather, their hardware wallets.
A Case of Misplaced Math 🧮
But wait! Before you throw your hodl bags into the nearest river, let’s hear from Samson Mow, the Jan3 CEO and self-appointed guardian of crypto truth. It turns out, dear readers, that this whole scandal was nothing more than a case of mistaken accounting. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the drop in Tether’s Bitcoin stash wasn’t due to panic selling but rather… *checks notes* …a boring old transfer to XXI, one of Tether’s own affiliates.
In fact, according to Mow, if you squint hard enough and do the math correctly (which Thompson apparently didn’t), Tether’s net Bitcoin holdings actually grew by over 10,000 BTC across Q2 and July combined. That’s right-instead of fleeing Bitcoin like it was last season’s NFT project, Tether was quietly bulking up its BTC reserves. Ardoino later confirmed this, adding a sprinkle of sass by calling the rumors “bearish nonsense.” 🐻❄️
“While the world continues to get darker,” quipped Ardoino poetically, “Tether will keep investing in safe havens like Bitcoin, Gold, and Land.” So basically, they’re building a financial fortress while everyone else panics. Classic.
Bitcoin’s Rally Saves the Day 💃🕺
And here’s where things get truly delicious. Thanks to Bitcoin’s stellar performance, Tether raked in a jaw-dropping $4.9 billion profit in Q2 alone-a 277% leap compared to the same period last year. Their total assets now stand at a cool $162.5 billion, with liabilities clocking in at $157 billion. Translation? They’re swimming in surplus cash like Scrooge McDuck, minus the diving board. 🏊♂️💰
So there you have it, folks. The next time someone tells you Tether is abandoning Bitcoin, just smile knowingly, sip your coffee ☕, and remember: sometimes the juiciest stories are just hot air wrapped in FUD. And as always, the truth is far less exciting-but infinitely more reliable. 😉
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2025-09-08 22:51