The crypto assets took another plunge off the diving board of despair last Friday, with a nice big splash as the market floundered. In a dazzling display of financial acrobatics, about $2.9 billion in Bitcoin and Ether contracts expired faster than my New Year’s resolutions. Who knew watching numbers drop could be this thrilling?
Market data shows that H’s rally is defying typical bearish chart patterns. Instead of breaking down, the price continues climbing and testing new highs. Momentum has surged more than 40% and stabilized around $51.75 million, underscoring strong investor participation-as if the market has developed a taste for suspense and a fondness for dramatic entrances.
According to CryptoQuant and an analyst signing his name in the smoke as IT Tech, Bitcoin’s seven-day average of realized net losses rose to about $2.3 billion-a number that could make even a banker nod and then laugh with the sigh of a tired sphinx. It places this sell-off among the most storied losses in the annals, a chapter that future economists will flip to like a cruel page-turner.
As the joint proclamation from the Israel Police, Shin Bet, and the Ministry of Defense makes clear, the reservist plucked non-public operational intelligence from his military duties and passed it along to his civilian colleague, who then committed trades on Polymarket markets tied to Israeli military actions.
This missive, spearheaded by the IOTA Foundation-with the Sui Foundation, Cardano Foundation, and Avalanche Policy Coalition in tow-is a finely crafted arrow aimed at the heart of two matters deemed most susceptible to the vagaries of “scope, proportionality, and technical interpretation”: staking and decentralized finance. Heaven forbid the regulators should blunder into these arcana without a proper chaperone.
With all the charm of a snake oil salesman, he enticed unsuspecting investors with beguiling promises of daily returns ranging from a delightful 0.5% to a tantalizing 3%. Alas, dear reader, it was but smoke and mirrors, as no actual trading ever graced his fictitious online portal. The prosecutor’s narrative was rich with tales of how our protagonist squandered the fruits of his deceit on ostentatious luxury homes in Las Vegas and Los Angeles, a fleet of high-end automobiles, and designer goods that could make even the most seasoned fashionista swoon.
So speaks the oracle of Chainalysis, a firm that peers into the crypt of crypto, where the intersection of human misery and digital gold has blossomed like a poisonous flower. Last year, the dance of the damned grew wilder, its steps more frenzied.
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Economists, those so-called wise men, are betting on headline inflation ticking up just a smidge, month-over-month. Annual inflation? They’re pegging it at around 2.5%. Core CPI, the one that ignores the whims of food and energy, is expected to show prices as sticky as a summer day in the valley. No relief in sight, it seems.
