Crypto news

On a Monday that felt more like a Monday in a Russian novel, US Bitcoin and Ethereum ETFs experienced a record outflow of $333 million and $465 million, respectively. 📉💰

Of course, the critics have had their say. “Ripple controls everything,” they chant, “They can dump tokens like confetti and manipulate the market as they see fit!” But Claver, with all the grace of a man who’s done his homework, swiftly knocks down these claims. “Oh, come now,” he says. “Those accusations are either outdated, misinformed, or just plain ridiculous.”

What Lucie elaborated to her captivated audience-mostly those who dip their toes into trading rather than just holding-was apparently a “strategy that should work for investors and DCA enthusiasts alike.” Because, naturally, everyone’s an expert when they just follow the oldest advice in the book: wait for the rollercoaster to dip and then climb again. 🎢

Let’s give a round of applause to the real MVPs of this financial sitcom: Ethena USDe (USDe) and Sky’s USDS (USDS). Somehow, while the U.S. said “absolutely no yield,” these tokens sort of winked and said “Okay, sure, but what if we just call it something else and make people stake their coins?” Classic loophole energy.

According to a press release, which I daresay was shared with the utmost enthusiasm, the Vienna-based platform has reported an operating revenue of $426 million for the year 2024, a significant leap from the $163 million recorded in the preceding year. Such figures are not merely numbers; they are a testament to the company’s newfound prowess in the realm of profitability and scalability, rendering 2024 its most illustrious year since its inception. In fact, Bitpanda’s achievements have eclipsed those of its more established rivals, such as Coinbase and Binance, which managed to secure only 115% and 40% growth, respectively, during the same period, as per the esteemed Yahoo Finance. 📈

On a recent missive via the royal tavern of X (formerly known as Twitter), CoinGate laid bare the changing tastes of their esteemed customers for July. This Lithuanian enterprise, renowned for converting digital tokens into real-world riches, reports a delightful shift in the crypto hierarchy. Amongst the favourites are Bitcoin, Ethereum, and-what’s this?-Litecoin! Who knew that speed and affordability could cause such a stir? 🚀

Small firms are getting hit harder than a piñata at a five-year-old’s birthday party, with banks blaming “regulatory pressure” and “systemic risk aversion.” Translation: They’re scared of their own shadow and don’t want to lend money to anyone who might, you know, *need* it. 🥴 Meanwhile, mortgage demand is slumping like a deflated soufflé, and the only thing booming is home equity lines – because apparently, we’re all just cashing out our houses to fund our avocado toast habits.

Cardano Connects with Bitcoin – Because Why Not?

On a Monday as gray as a banker’s soul, Osborne, now a sage on Coinbase’s advisory council, took aim at Chancellor Rachel Reeves and Bank of England governor Andrew Bailey. In a piece for the Financial Times, he reminisced about the days when Britain dared to dream big. “If crypto is happening, then we want it to happen here,” they once declared. But now? Now they’re about as cutting-edge as a quill pen in a digital age. 🖋️➡️💻

Now, McGlone reckons Bitcoin losin’ its trademark roller-coaster thrill ain’t much of a welcome mat for gamblers hopin’ it’ll outpace the market. “Without its bone-rattlin’ volatility,” says he, “Bitcoin might just be another shiny rock in the pile.” And if gold keeps its steady gait, well, Bitcoin might find itself eatin’ dust. 🏇💨