Crypto news

Michael Saylor’s company, Strategy, once MicroStrategy, has embarked on a perilous journey, purchasing Bitcoin with the fervor of a man clutching a lifeline, even as the market’s tempest rages. 🌩️💸

The bulls are eyeing the throne, but they’re more interested in a nap than a battle 🐂. They’ve shown interest, but not enough to make the bears sweat. The bears? They’re lounging like they own the place. 🐻‍❄️

Maple, that cunning fox in the crypto henhouse, was barred from launching syrupBTC, that sly rival of lstBTC, and from trading CORE tokens without Core’s blessing. The court, ever the wary guardian, feared that Maple might spill the beans or gain an unfair head start-like a thief in the night, stealing the spotlight from a partner who once shared the same campfire.

In a spectacle of comic proportions, over the past day, $11.43 million marched into the Shiba Inu side of the ledger, while a nearly identical amount, $11.27 million, fled out-leaving us with a modest net gain of $162,350. Or, as I like to call it, the crypto version of a bad hair day-less than a wig, more than a shave. The inflow surged by 133%, which sounds impressive until you realize it’s just doggone complicated! 🐶📉

Bitcoin is showing its weakest conditions since the bull cycle began in early 2023, according to a detailed analysis from analysts at cryptoquant.com. With bitcoin now trading near $84,386 and down roughly 33% from its peak, the report outlines a set of technical and demand-based signals that collectively point to a strong bearish phase. 💸

Translation: people who bought low and pretended they knew what they were doing are now cashing out because, shocker, they want to not lose money. Who could’ve seen this coming? Probably everyone. But still, here we are.

On CNBC, Jan van Eck (yes, that’s his real name) warned the Bitcoin community to start worrying about two things: 1) whether quantum computers will laugh at their encryption, and 2) whether users want their financial business exposed like a TikTok confession. He said it with the gravitas of a man who’s never owned a wallet that didn’t have a password.

There’s chatter swirling faster than a dame’s lipstick about the death of the four-year cycle – as if economic astrology could save us – and whispers of a mercurial new market structure that’s tossing everybody’s investments like a soggy cocktail napkin. Meanwhile, ETFs (Fancy name, darling) are holding onto what liquidity they can find, like a debutante clutching her clutch at Closing Night. But don’t get comfy just yet – the latest on-chain tidbits suggest those brave ETF folk might get their first real test soon. ⏳

Vector.fun, that quirky DEX on Solana’s block, is best known for letting users gleefully chase memecoins and mimic the bets of their posse. But now? Coinbase plans to herd Vector.fun’s 13-person workforce into its corral while putting Vector.fun’s apps out to pasture. Cute little apps, full of dreams-now just data to be processed like wheat in a combine. 🌾

Bloomberg’s Mr. Eric Balchunas, a fellow who seems to know his onions, confirmed the whole shebang, and rather cheekily suggested a Chainlink ETF might be following suit. Grayscale are expanding beyond Bitcoin and Ethereum at a rate of knots, it seems. One almost feels sorry for the poor fund managers trying to keep up.