AI Goes Home With Bitcoin, Leaves Fiat in the Dust

The researchers, which must have a weird Internet connection cause they’re pulling data from OpenAI, Anthropic, Google, DeepSeek, xAI, and MiniMax, tested the models across 28 currency scenarios-store of value, payments, settlement efficiency, and the usual mystery where the AI decides the money it hates most. Spoiler: Bitcoin got everyone’s tops.

Whales’ Stealth Move: 13,500 BTC Vanish at $66K

Yet, beneath the chaos, the numbers whispered of quiet rebellion. CryptoQuant, that old hound of data, barked that coins were slipping away into cold storage, like a man fleeing a debt collector. Exchange netflows, those fickle barometers of investor mood, tilted toward exodus, as if the market itself had grown weary of the game.

SoFi & Mastercard: Digital Serfdom Unveiled!

Thus, with a flourish of bureaucratic parchment, the partnership shall permit issuers and acquirers to settle card-based transactions using the enigmatic SoFiUSD, a stablecoin issued by SoFi Bank, N.A., a creature of the OCC’s tender mercies. SoFi’s (Nasdaq: SOFI) proclamation, shared with TopMob, declares this endeavor a triumph of speed, though one might wonder if the haste is merely a masquerade for the chaos of modern finance.

Bitcoin’s 4.64% Surge: A Bear Trap or Breakout?

Behold, Bitcoin’s [BTC] recent jaunt above $70k-a 4.64% leap on the 2nd of March-has sparked whispers of a “fake pump,” allegedly fueled by short-sellers’ deleveraging theatrics. The next resistance, they say, looms at $78k, a price tag that smells faintly of desperation.

Term Deposits Meet Their Waterloo: Onchain Liquidity Steals the Spotlight

The crux of this upheaval? Not the interest rate, but liquidity-the very thing traditional banks treat with the disdain of a duchess eyeing a commoner’s crumpet. For years, savers have been forced to choose between earning interest and clutching their cash like a miser guarding a gold sovereign. On-chain alternatives, however, have swept in with the grace of a dashing rogue, offering both yield and freedom. One might say they’ve removed the trade-off “entirely,” though one suspects the banks would prefer to keep it tucked under the carpet.

Altcoins Bleed: 38% Hit Multi-Year Lows in Cycle’s Worst Dip Post-FTX Crash

CryptoQuant, in a burst of enthusiasm, shared a tweet showing the “percentage altcoins near ATL” metric. Apparently, a “significant” portion of altcoins-because why not-remains in a perpetual state of underwhelming. But, wait, it gets juicier: CryptoQuant claims this is the “largest regression of altcoins” we’ve seen in this cycle. Take a moment to appreciate that one. It’s a “largest regression” as if to say, “look, we’ve seen worse, but this… this is next level!”