The researchers, which must have a weird Internet connection cause they’re pulling data from OpenAI, Anthropic, Google, DeepSeek, xAI, and MiniMax, tested the models across 28 currency scenarios-store of value, payments, settlement efficiency, and the usual mystery where the AI decides the money it hates most. Spoiler: Bitcoin got everyone’s tops.
Though you think the world is still in the era of iPhones and Wi‑Fi, Pi Network has decided it’s time to bring back the good old days of desktops. The v20.2 upgrade, slated for completion before Pi Day (yes, March 14, 2026-because 14/3 is also a kind of maths joke), is supposed to make the ledger feel safer than a diary in a safe.
Yet, beneath the chaos, the numbers whispered of quiet rebellion. CryptoQuant, that old hound of data, barked that coins were slipping away into cold storage, like a man fleeing a debt collector. Exchange netflows, those fickle barometers of investor mood, tilted toward exodus, as if the market itself had grown weary of the game.
Thus, with a flourish of bureaucratic parchment, the partnership shall permit issuers and acquirers to settle card-based transactions using the enigmatic SoFiUSD, a stablecoin issued by SoFi Bank, N.A., a creature of the OCC’s tender mercies. SoFi’s (Nasdaq: SOFI) proclamation, shared with TopMob, declares this endeavor a triumph of speed, though one might wonder if the haste is merely a masquerade for the chaos of modern finance.
While market pundits are trading in stardust and AI chips, the Trump family‑backed American Bitcoin (ABTC) appears to have mistaken themselves for a fortune‑telling oracle that refuses to turn on its gaze.
So here’s the deal: MARA, the second-biggest corporate Bitcoin holder on the planet (because, you know, MicroStrategy is holding all the trophies), has decided it’s OK to part with some of its precious Bitcoin stash. This raises the question, could MicroStrategy be next? After all, they’re not exactly lacking in the Bitcoin department.
In the U.S., the Nasdaq is at session lows, down 2.5%. S&P 500? A 2.3% slump. Europe’s markets? They’re throwing a pity party-Italy’s IBEX 35 down 5.2%, Germany’s DAX at 4.1%. Yikes.
Behold, Bitcoin’s [BTC] recent jaunt above $70k-a 4.64% leap on the 2nd of March-has sparked whispers of a “fake pump,” allegedly fueled by short-sellers’ deleveraging theatrics. The next resistance, they say, looms at $78k, a price tag that smells faintly of desperation.
The crux of this upheaval? Not the interest rate, but liquidity-the very thing traditional banks treat with the disdain of a duchess eyeing a commoner’s crumpet. For years, savers have been forced to choose between earning interest and clutching their cash like a miser guarding a gold sovereign. On-chain alternatives, however, have swept in with the grace of a dashing rogue, offering both yield and freedom. One might say they’ve removed the trade-off “entirely,” though one suspects the banks would prefer to keep it tucked under the carpet.
CryptoQuant, in a burst of enthusiasm, shared a tweet showing the “percentage altcoins near ATL” metric. Apparently, a “significant” portion of altcoins-because why not-remains in a perpetual state of underwhelming. But, wait, it gets juicier: CryptoQuant claims this is the “largest regression of altcoins” we’ve seen in this cycle. Take a moment to appreciate that one. It’s a “largest regression” as if to say, “look, we’ve seen worse, but this… this is next level!”