Crypto news

It marks a notable shift from years of enforcement that framed these tools primarily as criminal infrastructure-like calling a parrot a criminal for squawking.

“America’s got its own oil, baby!” JP Morgan’s Kriti Gupta and Justin Beimann quipped, probably while high-fiving. “We’re importing oil from Canada and Mexico like it’s a neighborhood potluck. Who needs the Strait of Hormuz when you’ve got Texas?”

Thanks to the sudden realization that blockchain isn’t just for crypto bros, institutions have jumped on the tokenization bandwagon. It’s as if they’ve discovered that “on-chain” is the new “in the know,” and they’re desperate to be included in the cool kids’ club.

Right now, ETH is doing a little shuffle between $1,960 and $1,980, trying to look casual after a recent correction. Brave New Coin data shows it’s under pressure, but still clinging to a support zone like a cat on a ledge, hinting that maybe, just maybe, a pivotal moment is brewing.

The situation grew dire as Israel and the USA engaged in a theatrical display of military might against Iran, sending crypto tumbling to its local lows. Yet, like a phoenix in a stock market, it rebounded with the vigor of a man who has just discovered the concept of “resilience,” soaring to $74,000. A triumph, if one ignores the fact that it still hovers around $70,000-a 15% improvement over its February nadir. A modest victory, but a victory nonetheless.

Meanwhile, Ethereum itself is sulking below the $2,000 mark, probably having an existential crisis about being less shiny than it was last week.

Ethereum got hit harder than a piñata at a five-year-old’s birthday party, dropping 7.35% – that’s 307,203 ETH gone, baby, gone – leaving users with a measly 3.87 million ETH. Bitcoin reserves were like, “We’re not doing great either,” shedding 1.25% (8,004 BTC) to sit at 631,000 BTC. And Tether? Down 0.98%, losing 360 million USDT from its 36.4 billion pool. Ouch.

In a twist worthy of a Wildean comedy, this healthcare titan has now graciously agreed to part with a mere $11 million-a sum so paltry, it barely covers the cost of their embarrassment. Each victim, poor soul, shall receive $2,500, a pittance to mend the shattered trust of having one’s most intimate details paraded about like a carnival sideshow.

End of Thought (6.18s)

In a Friday report, the prophet of Santiment unveils the sinister dance of the whales-those titans of the blockchain realm-who, between February 23 and March 3, amassed vast stores of BTC while the price wavered between $62,900 and $69,600. Yet when the price dared to breach $70,000 and climb to $74,000, these oligarchs of crypto began their treacherous exodus, shedding 66% of their ill-gotten gains with the precision of a executioner.