Crypto News

At present, our beleaguered LAYER finds itself hawking its wares at $1.27—a price point it tries to pass off as a “key support zone” between $1.20 and $1.30. A fine disguise, considering this range once held steadfast from March 27 to April 9, until aspiration led to an extravagant climb to $3.40 on May 5. Since then, the party, like all good soirees, has ended abruptly: the price has been escorted out into the night, sans dignity, for a dizzying 62% farewell lap. 🎩💸

Now, if you think this is just a small-time operation, think again! North Korea has amassed an impressive team of hackers with the tech chops to target Web2 and Web3 finance institutions. We’re talking banks, cryptocurrency exchanges—the real jackpot! In fact, these cyber pirates stole a cool $1.5 billion from the Bybit exchange in a single swipe! Is this how they spend their time in the “Hermit Kingdom”? Maybe they should try playing Monopoly instead! 🏦💸

The Onchain Economy ETF, curiously baptized $NODE by the financiers of VanEck, exposes the modern investor to that breed of companies bumbling forth, fumbles and all, in their search for blockchain’s promised land. The initial trading, as fate decreed, begins May 14, 2025 – though one would forgive any reader for asking, “Why wait so long? Is there a harvest moon involved?”

Here’s what the big folks at Bank of America observed: since November, for every $100 planted in US stocks, $5 has now walked off the farm in just three weeks. Not quite a gold rush in reverse, more like a tractor in the night leaving a cloud of dust.

In 2020, when Saylor first dipped his toes into the cold, digital waters of Bitcoin, he was blissfully unaware of the magic that lurked on YouTube and Twitter. You see, there were these podcasts talking about crypto tokens, and they had these… let’s say “slightly” outrageous followings. Half a billion followers? Sure, why not! So, naturally, Saylor and his band of merry marketing experts decided to follow suit, hoping to spread the gospel of Bitcoin. His grand vision? To have Bitcoin dubbed *the* best-performing asset in history, with his strategic long-term holder mantra echoing through every digital corner of the globe. And he did all this while making sure his *social media game* was up to snuff. Spoiler alert: It wasn’t.

But lo! Behold! There is now a twitch in the market’s musty curtains. Recent attempts to break past the 100 EMA resistance—the line which has rejected more advances than the average nightclub bouncer—suggest that the bulls are cautiously peeking out, considering whether it’s safe to take a charge.

The price, meanwhile, is still nestled against the triangle’s upper trendline and the 100 EMA. It’s not so much a breakout as a timid knock on the door, hoping someone invites it in for tea. The $2.15–$2.22 stretch is guarded by a confounding collection of EMAs, possibly forming what traders call the “Oh No Not This Again” zone.

Some will attribute this miracle to Federal Reserve gentleness — “dovish,” they say, as if the bureaucrats have grown feathers and coo from their marble perches. Others toast the “rebrand” of EOS into “A”, a letter as enigmatic as this entire spectacle. “A” for ambition? For absurdity? A makeshift bandage on old wounds — or an attempt to wipe history like chalk from a slate, leaving only a clean theoretical surface, soon marked by further tragedy.

Dogecoin added a neat 5%, while ADA surged by 4%, and other crypto stalwarts like ether (ETH), BNB Chain’s BNB, XRP, and Solana’s SOL crept up by a more modest 2%-3%. The CoinDesk 20 index (that’s the top 20 cryptocurrencies, folks—keep up!) rose by 2.2%, like the little engine that could.

Having clung to $1,750 with the desperation of a drunken uncle to the buffet table, Ethereum flounced back above $1,800. It’s up almost 20% these past two weeks—hardly the height of romance, but a passable tryst for the King of Altcoins—sauntering into May at a high of $1,873.

He predicts, with the air of a diner reading tea leaves after his third shot of vodka, that the oldest and perhaps most stubborn cryptocurrency will leap by 410%, and rather promptly. “In a jiffy,” he purrs, as though such things are everyday affairs.