Crypto News

This isn’t just a steady uptick. No, these mega-wallets have been multiplying with the fervor of rabbits at a carrot convention. Glassnode’s data shows a swelling crowd of 2,014 fat-cat wallets, signaling that the institutional sharks smell blood — or maybe just the scent of another yacht party. Either way, it’s a sign: the grown-ups are here, and they brought their wallets (which, incidentally, are probably still on a USB stick somewhere that their assistant can’t find).

In a tweet (yes, an actual tweet, because that’s how serious crypto analysis gets these days), Titan of Crypto threw out the prediction that Bitcoin could surge to a whopping $137,000. Apparently, BTC is doing some fancy dance on the daily chart and might break all-time records if the stars align. 🕺💃

The financial wizards of Standard Chartered, comfortably ensconced in their London lair, have fired off a research dispatch predicting that stablecoins may soar out of obscurity and, with all the pomp of a Victorian debutante, burst forth upon society to the extravagant tune of $2 trillion by the end of 2028 – all thanks to the GENIUS Act, should it pass.

Word straight from Saylor (who must surely dream in blockchain): the world’s most formidable corporate Bitcoin collector is at it again—gulping down digital assets as if they were canapés at a country club soirée.

At the end of this quantum leap, corporate treasuries bulged with 688,000 BTC, managing to squirrel away approximately 3.3% of the total available coinage—just enough to make Satoshi Nakamoto spit out their digital coffee. This 16% jump from the previous not-at-all-shabby quarter means more boardrooms saying “HODL” and fewer saying “should we maybe invent a product instead?”

Now, the bulls are attempting to stage a comeback, bless their hearts. But let’s not get too carried away—price action still suggests the downtrend might not be ready to throw in the towel just yet. ETH needs to reclaim some key levels before we can start popping the champagne. Until then, caution is the name of the game, and the market outlook is about as cheerful as a wet weekend in Bognor Regis.

Figment will be the magic behind the curtain, enabling institutional staking for the 3iQ Solana (SOL) Staking ETF, which, in case you were wondering, launches on the Toronto Stock Exchange on April 16 under the ticker SOLQ. Yes, it’s happening—mark your calendars, unless you have a better hobby. 📅 The companies, in their infinite wisdom, kindly informed the world of this development in a statement. So far, Figment has managed to impress over 700 clients. That’s quite the fanbase. 🏆

The trade war, long in the tooth and short on resolution, parades onward. At first, the Chinese restrict themselves to inconveniencing American wares—so diplomatic, you’d think the parties were arguing over who gets the last éclair! But now, haunted by suspicion, some suggest Beijing will hurl U.S. Treasuries into oblivion, just as they have blocked those mineral exports Americans covet—more precious than the last croissant at brunch (read and weep).

The Bitcoin buying spree, you see, wasn’t just confined to the usual suspects. Oh no, twelve public companies, bless their cotton socks, purchased Bitcoin for the very first time during Q1. Bringing the grand total of Bitcoin-hoarding public firms to a quite respectable 79. The more, the merrier, I always say! 🥂

This somewhat embarrassing performance has thrown open the French doors for society’s grandees—the whales—who have entered the ballroom (market) with all the subtlety of a brass band, and about as much appetite as Dorian Gray at his own portrait unveiling.