In a move that has Wall Street gossip echoing through the marble halls, the prestigious Goldman Sachs has buddied up with BNY for a joint venture that promises to sprinkle blockchain magic over the mundane. Who knew tokens could have partners in crime? 💃🕺
Michel, with the confidence of a man who has just discovered Wi-Fi for the first time, suggests that while central banks are busy sprinting toward their shiny new digital currencies, they seem to have forgotten something rather important: the actual plumbing 💩 behind it all. Enter Ripple, stage left, ready to save the day like a blockchain superhero wearing a cape made of code.
Picture this: clients, seduced by the siren call of digital gold, will now buy and trade cryptocurrencies right in the palm of their hands in AED, like some modern-day alchemy. No fuss, no external transfers, just seamless access—because who wants to mess around when you can have magic at your fingertips? And all of this happening just as Bitcoin sits brooding, nipping at the heels of its previous glory, while altcoins go on their chaotic dance—volatile, unpredictable, and utterly exhilarating. 🎢🤡
While the crypto market is having a bit of a hangover, AVAX held its ground way better than most. According to Xero’s latest charts, assets like ETH, SOL, DOT, and VIRTUAL were all feeling the pain, but AVAX was like the friend who drinks water between shots—only a mild decline before bouncing back to green during the day. This kind of resilience is a sign that AVAX might be the one everyone turns to when the market mood swings.
And in a twist worthy of a West End farce, they’ve announced a $75 million equity raise, which has promptly sent their stock spiraling downward like a tipsy debutante. How droll! 😂
Brimming with confidence, Tron [TRX] has just minted an extravagant $1 billion in Tether [USDT] — yes, indeed, the largest issuance in its colorful history! All this mere days after not one, but two major feats: a Nasdaq listing that made heads turn and a filing for the most extravagant hybrid securities offering this side of the Mississippi. You’d think they were ready for a grand soirée! 🎊
Enter Mohammad Allahdad, Tavanir’s deputy boss and apparent unwitting character in this electric circus. On July 29, he declared, grandly, that cryptocurrency mining is gobbling up between 15–20% of the country’s current electricity deficit. That’s not just a number—imagine if your air conditioner, your blender, and your entire street were all powered by computers feverishly trying to earn pretend internet gold. (Now add a few more air conditioners. Now take them away, because the power’s out!)
In the past 24 hours, Bitcoin’s price has danced like a drunkard on a tightrope, with sellers hissing like serpents to keep it below $119,000. 🕺💔 This led to a cascade of liquidations, a veritable bloodbath of $55 million, with $41 million from hapless bulls who dared to dream. Coinglass, that impartial chronicler of financial folly, has documented this carnage with clinical precision.
Ether’s open interest has doubled since June 22 to a record high of $58 billion. What a surprise! 🎉
A moment of silence for Bitcoin (BTC), hanging at $118,000 like it’s waiting for its latte on a Monday morning, as most altcoins decided they’d rather take a nap. Our meme trio—Fartcoin (FARTCOIN), Dogwifhat (WIF), and Bonk (BONK)—took a dive of over 13%, while Pudgy Penguins, Pepe, and Avalanche decided they were also not in the mood, dropping by over 8%. Who wouldn’t want to join that party? 🙃
