Crypto news

With nary a whisper of news, the market, that fickle jester, didst conjure a $90K peak. A marvel, nay, a farce! 🤯💸

According to this guy, Doctor Profit – I mean, what a name, right? Sounds like someone who should be fixing my car instead of analyzing crypto. Anyway, he claims we’re still in a bear market that kicked off back in September. He says we need another 12 to 14 months to find the bottom of this thing. Are we waiting for a bus or a miracle here?

Consider a small agribusiness in Argentina, shipping its goods to Brazil. The truck arrives in days, a marvel of modern logistics, but the payment? Weeks. Riddled with fees, currency swings, and manual reconciliation, it’s as if the payment is taking a scenic route through the bureaucratic jungle. 🛣️🤦‍♂️

What’s the secret? The famous S&P 500’s “Santa rally”-an annual holiday miracle where stocks often ascend during the final five trading days of December and the opening days of January. An encore performance might just give Bitcoin and its brethren a lift, like a jolly old elf with a bag of tricks.

Parliament, in its infinite wisdom or perhaps driven by more caffeine than usual, has enacted the Virtual Asset Service Providers Bill-proof that politicians can still do groundbreaking things, even if it takes a while. Bank of Ghana’s top guy, Johnson Asiama, announced with the enthusiasm of a man who just discovered a new coffee blend, that virtual asset trading is now legal. No arrests, no stony faces-just a shiny new framework to “manage the risks.” And that phrase, dear reader, is where the fun begins. 😂

The volume has been creeping up like a sneaky ninja, aiming to push Bitcoin higher from its recent lows near $87,600. The recent reversal might seem like a sign of life, or perhaps just a short-term hiccup. In the long run, it could just be another bounce-like a malfunctioning yo-yo on a particularly bad day-before gravity (or market forces) pull it back down into the abyss of correction. That’s the danger of celebrating too early; sometimes it’s just the market playing a cruel game of “let’s pretend everything’s fine.” 😅

Gold is so hot right now, it’s making digital tokens backed by it feel like they’ve finally made it to the cool kids’ table. 🍽️💫

Meanwhile, in the shadowy world of energy, an insatiable beast awakens: AI data demand! The Electric Reliability Council of Texas (ERCOT, or as I like to call it, the “Energy Riddle Committee of Texas”) reports a monstrous surge in large-load requests-jumping from a modest 63 GW to a staggering 226 GW. And guess what? Three-quarters of this chaos is courtesy of those ever-hungry data centers, shoveling data faster than a lazy waiter in a cheap restaurant. 🍽️📊

Midnight didn’t just rally on Friday-it practically moonwalked past every expectation. Investors flung money at NIGHT like seagulls fighting over a dropped chip. Trading desks turned into frenzied circuses, with retail traders and pros elbowing each other for a piece of the action. 🎪🤹‍♂️

The UNIfication proposal-truly a blockbuster of a vote! 🎬 Voting onchain has reached a quorum, and the drama continues until 25 December. Will it be a triumphant finale or a tragic farce? 🎭