Crypto news

Bitcoin, ever the resilient martyr, clawed its way upward. But ZCash? Ah, no such redemption. The losses clung to it like a Soviet winter coat-heavy, unshakable, and entirely predictable.

Behold, the acquisitive frenzy! Anchorage, with its eyes fixed on the gilded prize of regulated stablecoins and custody, while Securitize, ever the alchemist, seeks to transmute real-world assets into blockchain gold. A dance of ambition, where the line between innovation and madness blurs like a candle in the wind. 🕯️🌪️

The crypto slump arrived as traditional markets yawned their way to modest declines-Nasdaq down 0.6%, S&P 500 a mere 0.15%. Yet AI stocks, like Broadcom and Oracle, continued to wince from last week’s earnings debacle. Bitcoin miners, who’d recently pivoted to AI infrastructure like a bad first date, now faced double-digit drops. Hut 8 (HUT), CleanSpark (CLSK), and others joined the freefall, proving that even tech’s darlings can’t avoid gravity. 💻🔥

On the fateful 14th of December, as the clock struck its final hours, Canton rallied by 5.2%. But alas, the $0.077 resistance proved too formidable, a wall of hubris it could not breach. 🧱 Why? The partnership with RedStone [RED], of course! A modular blockchain oracle, they claim, powering Canton’s RWA ecosystem with its “customizable data feed.” How quaint. 🧙‍♂️

More than three years past, a catastrophe unfolded-TerraUSD, Luna, and the money, a staggering $40 billion, vanished like a ghost in the fog. Yet, the figure at the center, Kwon-look at him, the ‘genius’ behind the grand scheme-stands not merely accused, but branded in court as the architect of a colossal deception, “a fraud on an epic, generational scale,” they say, with the zest of a playwright describing tragedy.

Imagine, if you will, a multi-signature wallet, a fortress of digital security, breached not by code but by the treacherous whims of the heart. For even the most fortified vaults cannot guard against the wiles of a scammer masquerading as a trader, a lover, a savior. 🕵️♀️💘

So, Strategy’s (MSTR) junior preferred stock Stride (STRD) is tightening its credit spread like a belt after Thanksgiving dinner. Looks like everyone’s lining up for the highest-yielding treat on the block! 🍗💸

Key Takeaways (Or Should We Say, Key Gags?)

Today, the world’s largest publicly traded holder of Bitcoin, known simply as Strategy, revealed its latest escapade: acquiring 10,645 Bitcoin (BTC) between December 8 and December 14, for the princely sum of approximately $980.3 million. What a time to be alive!