Crypto news

For much of 2025, a simple rule held: if a new token hit the market, its price probably went down. You could almost set your watch to it!

Winter’s chill crept into the Bitcoin plains, and lo, the titans of the blockchain awoke. With wallets flapping like scared chickens, the little guys clutched their coins tight-only to drop ’em at the first hint of rain. Meanwhile, the leviathans, those grizzled old sharks and whales, gnashed their teeth and dove headfirst into the dip. “Smart money,” they call it. A term so slick it could slide off a dollar bill.

Ah, the elusive cryptocurrency cache of Venezuela-rumored to be worth $60 billion, yet as tangible as a daydream in a teapot. 🤯 The whispers of state-controlled Bitcoin are, alas, more suited to a parlour game than a ledger. As a born-and-bred Caraqueño who once wrestled with mining rigs in the heat of the Bolivarian sun, I must confess: the regime’s secret stash is less treasure trove and more fairy tale. Why? Let us unravel this yarn with the flair of a Victorian gossip columnist.

In the shadowy realm of blockchain, a miscreant known only by the moniker “0x7E1” has reportedly amassed $1.06 million through the artful manipulation of Wrapped Bitcoin (WBTC). This digital Rasputin, with a flick of their cryptographic wand, sold 248 WBTC-a treasure valued at $23.08 million-a mere two hours past. A month prior, this same wallet, with the voracity of a literary critic devouring a mediocre novel, devoured 375 WBTC for $33.83 million, each coin acquired at the modest price of $90,203. The sale, at $93,023 per coin, yielded a profit as neat as a Nabokovian sentence, $1.06 million. Ah, the markets-even in their illicit corners-obey the timeless dictum: buy low, sell high. 📈🤹‍♂️

In the thrilling world of crypto, one audacious trader, known to the masses as bcrtex, turned a mere $343 into a staggering $773,000 by dabbling in the Solana-based Whitewhale token just before its Bybit debut. A 2,253x return in the first week of 2026? Someone hand this person a cape and a crown!

Currently priced at $0.00873-because decimal points are clearly the main innovation here-it’s swinging between “mildly interesting” and “wait, did I accidentally invent a Ponzi scheme?” levels. Volume? Up 470%! Which sounds impressive until you remember the baseline was roughly the liquidity of a dried-up puddle. 💧

As the year drew to its close, the miners, those stalwart sentinels of the blockchain, found themselves beset by circumstances most unforgiving. Though the dawn of 2026 brought whispers of improvement, December’s tally remained a testament to their struggles, second only to April’s meager $1.18 billion, as chronicled by the sages at newhedge.io. November, with its $1.26 million, had offered little solace, and December’s figure, a mere 4.13% lower, was but a bitter jest played upon their endeavors.

Sui (SUI) isn’t just riding the wave-it’s building its own damn tsunami. 20% in 24 hours? That’s not a surge; that’s a white-knuckle rollercoaster 🎢. Analysts are now whispering, “Could this be the start of a major bull run?” Spoiler: If it is, someone tell my bank account it’s been upgraded to a VIP pass.

In a rather dramatic turn of events on Tuesday morning, Bitcoin flirted with its highest price in almost two months, tantalizingly close to the $95,000 mark. Unlike those previous weekend escapades that ended in tears (or at least some serious buyer’s remorse), this rally actually managed to hold onto its gains through Monday. Miracles do happen, folks!

This ingenious mine-to-earn venture, the first of its kind in the crypto sphere, hath already secured upwards of $2.5 million in funding. It promises an innovative game that mimics the intricacies of crypto mining, all while providing entertainment most engaging. The timing, one must observe, is as fortuitous as a well-timed marriage proposal, given the renewed appetite for risk assets in these early days of 2026. 💍