Etoro’s Profit Surge: Crypto Slump? Not a Problem!

The Israel-based multi-asset brokerage Etoro reported GAAP net income of $69 million for the quarter ended Dec. 31, 2025, up 16% from $59 million a year earlier. Adjusted net income reached $70 million, while adjusted diluted earnings per share came in at $0.71, ahead of the $0.62 analysts expected, according to FactSet data.

You Won’t Believe What’s Happening with Stablecoins and Illicit Networks!

TRM Labs decided to publish an analysis-because who doesn’t want to read about numbers that make your head spin? They found that these stablecoins were flowing like water, with the bad guys raking in a cool $141 billion through stablecoin wallets. And let’s not forget that $72 billion linked to the infamous A7A5 token. Sounds fancy, right? It’s like a VIP pass to the world of sanctions-related shenanigans, which accounted for 86% of all illicit crypto flows. Who knew crime could be so profitable?

XRP: The North Star That Flexes Harder Than Garlinghouse’s Emoji

Indeed, the good lady declared that from the farthest corners of the land, advisors are besieged by their clients’ queries, “XRP, XRP, what sayest thou of XRP?” And lo, in some circles, it is second only to the mighty Bitcoin in the hearts of the crypto faithful. Grayscale, ever the chronicler, tweeted this tale, leaving the masses to ponder the persistence of XRP’s allure.

Why Bitcoin’s $65k Support is as Strong as a House of Cards: A Comedic Analysis

At the height of this grand sell-off, it was a sight to behold! The total crypto market cap graciously shed over $1 trillion, as if it were an old coat that no longer fit. And what a spectacle it was, with liquidations reaching a record-breaking $19 billion-truly a show for the ages! Even now, the echoes of that chaos still ripple through the market, like a ghost at a lavish ball.