Crypto news

History, in its endless irony, delights in repetition. The strategic whispers that fluttered about corridors in 2020—like a rumor of extra bread in a famine year—have now been whistled into a march by the accountants’ own revolutionary brigade: the infamous FASB revision of 2023. With a stroke of a quill (or, more likely, a soulless update to some PDF), these accountants, usually sworn enemies of innovation, tossed a crumb to the Bitcoin faithful by deigning to let its balance sheet existence approach respectability. Widespread adoption, as inevitable as rain in the Russian countryside, crept ever closer in 2024, and not even the dullest bureaucrat could deny it—though goodness knows they tried.

Irony abounds: these forsaken coins, in a perverse act of defiance, even managed to post gains shortly after. TIA strutted upward by 10%. The rest, not so much, perhaps out of spite or existential fatigue.

What makes the masses dance? A crypto market rally, no less, encouraged by the new Planners—US President Donald Trump extended his own deadline for tariff hikes, likely while laughing at the confusion he sows. Now, tariffs move from July 9 to August 1, making even bureaucratic time seem as bendable as reality. US Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent speaks, and the world pretends to listen: three-week extension for those slow with their deals. In this system, the only thing more liquid than market positions is the government’s capacity for procrastination.

But wait—there’s more! The regulatory environment for crypto is suddenly looking like it’s rolled out the red carpet for institutional investors. Could this be the week that the big players finally show up with their bags of cash? Bitcoin, Ethereum, and XRP are in prime position for just that. After all, the recent $5 trillion increase in the U.S. debt ceiling is practically waving a flag that says, “Hey, crypto market, here’s some love from the government.” Historically speaking, these kinds of moves have done wonders for the crypto scene. Oh, the sweet irony of it all.

Per a Form 8-K filed with the ever-watchful U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission on July 7 (a body famed for its love of forms and utter lack of Bitcoin), Strategy indulged in zero-market gluttony between June 30 and July 6. Yes, readers, the mighty accumulator of Tysons Corner, Virginia decided to play coy for an entire week, as if in silent protest against the tyranny of abundance.

What’s causing this madness? Well, a little retail energy mixed with Bitcoin’s newfound love for sky-high prices. Bitcoin is now strutting around above $109K, and the crypto market cap just hit a mind-blowing $3.36T. That’s a lot of zeros! 💰

According to those frightfully clever on-chain reports, a major Ethereum whale has withdrawn a whopping 6,989 ETH (worth a cool $17.5 million) from Binance over the past three weeks. And just recently, the same wallet removed 1,900 ETH, valued at nearly $4.86 million, from the exchange. This sort of large-scale withdrawal reduces exchange liquidity, and if demand surges while supply dips, it could lead to a supply shock—a classic recipe for a price rally, if I do say so myself 📈.

For their stellar performance in the art of the swindle, Bedi received a whopping five years and four months in prison, while Mavanga was sentenced to six years and six months. The court described them as “leading players” in a sophisticated conspiracy that exploited regulatory loopholes to mislead at least 65 investors. 😈

Among the many admirers of this charming coin, one voice stands out with particular boldness and conviction. The illustrious Captain Faibik, a seasoned trader of the digital realm, has declared that XRP is not only poised for a significant rise but may very well double its current value, reaching the lofty heights of $4.60 should the current rally gain sufficient momentum. 📈