Crypto news

According to Luxor’s Fourth Quarter 2025 Hashrate Map, this rebirth is no mere fluke. Once banished by the iron fist of 2021 regulations, China now lingers like a sly fox in the chicken coop, its influence seeping through the veins of global miners who still rely on its factories. Bitmain, MicroBT, and Canaan-those titans of silicon-still churn out the machines that power the world’s obsession with Bitcoin. The country’s grip on the supply chain? Unshakable. A masterclass in capitalist puppetry. 🛠️🇨🇳

They claimed to have unveiled a mystical doorway to the elusive kingdom of cryptocurrencies, promising an indulgence of not just one but three fantastical contraptions: the ethereal Bitcoin, the sly Ether, and the slippery XRP, gallivanting together in a charmed basket-multiples assets in one shimmering ETF. A crusade to swaddle the bewildering digital netherworld into the cozy embrace of institutional grace!

But hey, at least he’s consistent! XRP’s now the star of Ripple Prime, the freshly rebranded prime brokerage that used to be called Hidden Road. Because why not give it a name that sounds like a secret society? 🕵️♂️ XRP will “complement services” there-translation: it’s the crypto equivalent of a golden retriever in a suit, nodding along to every decision. 🐶💼

Crypto guru and DogeOS cheerleader Jimmy (yes, that Jimmy) dropped a mic with his technical analysis, proving Doge’s inflation model is as predictable as a Mel Brooks punchline. 😂 He even quoted the great Elon Musk, who once quipped, “It’s not a bug, it’s a feature!” 🦜 Jimmy’s numbers? As of 2025, Doge’s got 151.36 billion coins in the wild, with 5 billion more joining the party each year. 🎉 That’s 3.49% inflation, baby-and it’s only going down from here. 📉

Now, this XRPR fellow is quite the trailblazer, being the first XRP ETF to set up shop in the good ol’ US of A. 🏆 However-and here’s the kicker-it doesn’t actually give you a direct ticket to the XRP token. No, no, REX Shares took the rather unorthodox ’40 Act path, which is all very clever but leaves one feeling a bit like a chap who’s ordered a martini but been handed a shandy. 🍸🤔

It commenced on X, where a self-proclaimed ex-Uniswap developer declared he’d unearthed a bug granting 41% profit per swap-like finding a golden goose in a Bitcoin mine. 🦆

According to the wise and whimsical Daan Crypto Trades (@DaanCrypto), our furry friend DOGE is sniffing around $0.19585. 🦴 The “bone to grab” is at $0.21817, while the “bone to guard” sits at $0.17789. Price is wagging its tail in the middle, after a post-flush bounce that left us all scratching our heads. 🐾 Last Friday’s higher low is the lifeline, keeping the game from going to the dogs.

Mostly gasoline, that infamous villain. Core inflation, meanwhile, was chilling out, proving that not every number needs a party. This, dear reader, influences what the Fed will do-much to everyone’s relief (or dismay).

A shiny federal stamp of approval, they reckon, might lure in the big-money wizards and goblins of the institutional world. Imagine! Custody solutions so secure, they’d make a dragon jealous. And if they pull it off, we might even get staking options that don’t vanish like cookies from a hungry child. The CRO token took a tiny leap of joy, then promptly remembered it’s still 2023. 📉😅