Crypto news

According to a Financial Times report (which is almost as shiny as Tether’s reputation), this crypto colossus is in advanced talks to lead an eye-watering €1 billion investment that could catapult Neura’s valuation to between €8 billion and €10 billion. Because what better way to diversify than pouring billions into mechanical humanoids that might someday replace customer service reps or, worse, your annoying family members?

As BTC loses its grip and capitulates with all the flair of a failed acrobat, Ethereum quietly rises like the phoenix-brighter, bolder, and almost funny in its stubbornness. When Bitcoin flops, ETH struts, claiming the throne as the safer, sassier asset in the market melee.

By Shayan

Mow’s got a theory, see? He says the folks hankerin’ after “private as a outhouse at midnight” Bitcoin don’t need to chase no shiny new tokens. Zcash? Pfft. He calls it what it is-a carnival barker’s trick when the real magic’s been under your nose all along.

With the U.S. government’s self-imposed farce concluded, the coming weeks threaten to become a gilded cage of make-or-break reckoning. The market, that capricious jester, teeters on the edge of a precipice, its next move dictated by numbers and narratives that may yet consign it to the abyss.

According to the delightful data, Lighter’s impressive $68 million was the highlight of this week’s funding soiree, set amidst derivatives platforms, gaming ventures, and infrastructure-truly, a portrait of contemporary ambition.

The whole shebang isn’t about crypto’s naughty behavior. Oh no! It’s the grown-ups in suits who’ve turned the world into a giant game of “risk-off” tag! 🏃‍♂️🔥

The exodus of these crypto grandpas is more dramatic than Mark Darcy ghosting Bridget. 📉 Statistics show a whopping 45,000 ETH is being dumped daily by these 3-to-10-year-old wallets. Talk about a midlife crisis! 😅

In a missive upon the platform known as X (formerly Twitter, for those who recall such antiquities), Mr. Van Code declared that any company daring to self-custody its XRP would, by the stroke of midnight, transform itself into a bank, a security firm, and a regulated financial institution-all without the slightest intention of doing so. The consequences, he assured, would be as severe as a dowager’s disapproval, and the bill for such imprudence would be nothing short of “massive.”

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