Crypto news

The losses have provoked no small measure of vexation among Pi’s devoted followers. Some now entertain the most distressing notion that the project may not endure. The esteemed crypto commentator Mr. Spock-whose logic is, one must admit, unimpeachable-has declared the collapse “basically a rug pull,” a sentiment shared by many who have mined Pi for years with naught but dust to show for their labors. And yet, a small but determined faction clings to the fantastical belief that each coin shall one day be worth $314,159-a notion most experts dismiss with the same enthusiasm one reserves for a soggy biscuit. 🍪

“The GENIUS Bill is the beginning of the end for banks’ ability to shaft their customers with microscopic interest!” he squawked on X, on Saturday, no less. Saturday! Like they don’t have enough to worry about on Shabbos!

As Bitcoin dances in the sunlight, basking in new highs, MYX, poor MYX, has found itself abandoned, wandering in the dark. The altcoin’s painful sell-off serves as a stark reminder that not all that glitters is gold – or, in this case, crypto.

While the Russian authorities, in their infinite wisdom, conduct raids to curb crypto trading-a futile dance with the devil-the gray market thrives, a grotesque symphony of greed. Alexey Korolenko, that paragon of clarity, declares, “It is impossible to close all exchange offices,” as if the very notion of order is a joke. 🤯

And let’s not forget the stablecoins and tokenized securities-basically the financial world’s version of turning your grandma’s recipes into NFTs. 🧾 Regulators are nodding along, and big investors are like, “Finally, something we can sink our teeth into without sounding like we’re in a sci-fi movie.”

Bitcoin’s dancing on the ceiling like Lionel Richie 🎤, hitting record highs and leaving traders scratching their heads like, “What’s next? 🤔” Fear not, dear reader, for we’ve got the three levels that’ll either make you rich or send you crying to your mom 😭.

One is led to believe this sudden infatuation with Bitcoin is due to a rather vulgar display of panic. The American government, it seems, has temporarily misplaced its ability to agree – a most unfortunate, yet not entirely unexpected, occurrence. Consequently, investors, those terribly anxious creatures, are fleeing to Bitcoin as if it were the last bastion of sense in a world rapidly descending into delightful chaos. Isn’t it wonderfully ironic? Nations crumble, and fortunes are made on a string of code. 🎭

Ah, dear reader, the industrious folks at MetaMask are on the verge of unfurling this splendid new feature, as revealed by their GitHub parchment, akin to the great manuscripts of yore. With a flourish befitting the realm of commerce, gallant traders shall be bestowed with 80 points for every $100 wagered in the spot trade arena, and a meager 10 points for their more perpetual musings. Let us not overlook the generous 250 points for every historical trading volume of $1,250-a community spirit so robust, one might wonder if it’s merely a farce! 😂

It appears that the market’s sentiment toward bitcoin’s valuation is growing ever more buoyant, as investors fancy further price ascensions by year’s end. Mr. Saylor, the executive chairman of Microstrategy (Nasdaq: MSTR), took to the social media platform X on October 3rd, posing a rather audacious question: whether bitcoin shall surpass $150,000 by the close of 2025. 🧐

ETH is eyeing a third higher low, setting the stage for a breakout to $5K. Will it happen? Only the blockchain gods know, but I’m betting on it like it’s a 2000% APR yield farm! 🤑