Crypto news

Key takeaways:

Users, they say, may now link accounts to buy, hold, or sell digital assets. A bold move for a bank that only just turned a profit in its third year of existence. One imagines a line of citizens, clutching their smartphones like talismans, whispering, “Perhaps this time, it’ll be different.”

This launch, akin to a bright star in the financial sky, provides those traditional investors-yes, the ones with regulated brokerage accounts-a direct line to the glittering world of XRP. According to the so-called experts, this move might just be the spark that ignites a price explosion in the coming weeks. 🌟

Apparently, Vitalik and his brainy buddies Yoav Weiss and Marissa Posner finally got around to writing down what they’ve been yapping about for years. 🗣️ You know, because nothing says “trustless” like a manifesto that’s been sitting in the “drafts” folder since 2015. 📝 Now they’re slapping it onchain like it’s a sticker on a laptop. 💻

The CNB Bank Board, in a fit of daring, approved this venture on the 30th of October, declaring it shall remain separate from their international reserves. “No further expansion!” they proclaim, as if to quell the whispers of madness. Governor Aleš Michl, the mastermind behind this folly, envisioned it in January 2025, inspired by the siren call of Bitcoin and its ilk. Yet, their ambitions do not end here; they speak of payments and tokenization, as if the world were not already a stage of chaos! 🤡

Traders on X (formerly known as “The Bird App”) are in a tizzy, their digital quills scratching furiously to diagnose this existential crisis. Enter The White Whale, a trader whose handle suggests both profundity and a mild obsession with maritime metaphors. 🐋

Kyrgyzstan, that sly fox, surprised the stablecoin world with $USDKG, a gold-backed dollar coin that came with a $50M first mint. Talk about a splash! 🎉💰

This audacious move is led by a gentleman called Dr. Ju-chun Ko-sort of the Robin Hood of financial wizardry-and he’s got allies like Samson Mow, who runs JAN3, a Bitcoin tech company hell-bent on making Satoshi proud. They’ve been chattering away like a flock of parrots about how relying solely on the old trusty reserves might be a bit, shall we say, risky. So, why not swap a few dollars for a splash of digital daring? 🚀

Long-term investors, now’s your shot! But fair warning: the price might take a nosedive faster than you can say “FOMO.” Waiting for that retracement might save your sanity-or at least your portfolio. 🧐

On the fateful day of November 12, 2025, Nunchuk, with a flourish befitting a circus ringmaster, announced Nunchuk 2.0-a solution that marries guided beneficiary support with an onchain autonomous failsafe, enforced by the immutable hand of Bitcoin timelocks and the arcane sorcery of Miniscript. This upgrade, available immediately to the anointed Honey Badger and Honey Badger Premier subscribers, operates on a dual-path model: a guided claim for the faint of heart and a failsafe autonomous self-claim for when all else fails-a digital Lazarus, rising after the timelock. Behind the scenes, multisig and decaying quorum mechanics (2-of-4 pre-expiry, 1-of-3 post-expiry) ensure that even the most inept heir cannot squander their legacy. 🧙‍♂️🔗