Crypto news

Market tantrums, liquidity bottlenecks, dodgy basis management, and the classic NAV rollercoaster from rebalance shenanigans-like riding a unicycle on a trampoline, but in crypto.

While Bitcoin sobbed into its blockchain, gold did what gold does best: stood there, inert and smug, accumulating reverence like dust on a forgotten Nobel. Spot gold, that imperious sun-disc, rose majestically past $4,300 per ounce, peaking flirtatiously near $4,312. Futures? Oh, they dallied at $4,328.70, as if lingering for applause. Record highs! The biggest weekly gain since the financial apocalypse of 2008! Investors, trembling like leaves in a collective nervous breakdown, rushed toward gold the way moths do to a flame-except, in this case, the flame doesn’t burn. It just sits there, glinting, saying: I’ve outlived your apps. I’ll outlive your memories. 😏🇲🇾

And why, you ask? Well, dear reader, let us wade through the murky waters of this absurdity:

BNB Chain has joined forces with CMB International Asset Management (CMBIAM), a subsidiary of China Merchants Bank, to tokenize the CMB International USD Money Market Fund. Yes, $3.8 billion worth of assets are now onchain. Because, why not? 🤷‍♂️

The Swiss gambling regulator, Gespa, has reportedly filed a criminal complaint against FIFA over its blockchain-based tokens, which they now deem “unlicensed gambling services.” Because nothing says “trust us” like selling hope as a lottery ticket. 💸

While Bitcoin has continued to plunge deeper, renowned crypto market prediction platform Polymarket has disclosed data showing a 52% chance that Bitcoin will fall below $100,000 this month. Because nothing says “confidence” like a 50-50 shot at financial disaster. 🎲💥

The funding includes $41.6 million from a recent strategic round, a testament to the company’s ability to turn dreams into digital gold. 🏆

World Liberty Financial (WLFI) is still in its “I’m fine, I swear” phase, but let’s call it what it is: a full-blown bearish drama. 🦹‍♂️ Despite the occasional “I’m trying” rally, sellers are running the show. The downtrend? Oh, it’s alive and well, darling. 💔

Though, to be sure, this complaint is but a mere suggestion, for Gespa has no intention of spearheading any legal proceedings themselves. One might say they are merely offering a hand, not a sword. 🤝

Technically, the UK is actually falling behind, relatively speaking, as Russia surpassed it, and EU members are catching up. Hopefully, adoption will continue growing across the sector. 🤷‍♂️