Crypto news

History lesson: World on fire? Bitcoin mostly snoozes. It’s like that friend who “forgets” your birthday, claims they were meditating, and then turns up at brunch anyway. As it turns out, institutional bigwigs and bandwagon-jumpers have ~some influence~ (read: like the entire market). Still, your average analyst, like André Dragosch (who presumably doesn’t own a cape either), tells us: “Short-term chaos = volatility hiccups = nervous price dip.” But in the grand cosmic joke of finance, Bitcoin still carries the aura of That One Risky Asset™—the high school rebel who occasionally gets kicked out but somehow graduates just fine.

Our dear lawyer, James K. Filan, took to the digital ether on June 17 to reveal that Ripple had filed a supplemental letter in support of their joint motion for this elusive indicative ruling. They even highlighted additional explanations, as if the judge were a particularly dim-witted student in need of extra tutoring on the matter of lifting the injunction from the final judgment. How generous of them!

In case you missed it, PEPE has been on a relentless downtrend for a while now, and this 13% drop just sealed the deal. The downward spiral began when PEPE couldn’t muster the strength to bounce back above the value area high, followed by a harsh rejection at the 0.618 Fibonacci level. You know, the kind of rejection you’d get from a date you spent hours getting ready for. Ouch. With the market still on shaky ground, PEPE is now heading towards the point of control, where either support will kick in or it’ll drop like a rock into the abyss. Sorry, PEPE.

The death toll continues to rise as the conflict between Israel and Iran reaches its fifth day, with Iran reporting a tragic loss of 224 lives, and in Israel, there have been confirmed deaths totaling 24. Major global stock markets are showing declines, and the value of bitcoin has dropped approximately to $104,000 at the time of this report.

But hold your horses! While the little fish were runnin’ for cover, the big suits were wadin’ in. Glassnode’s got the receipts: every day for the past week, more than 800,000 ETH got slurped up by whale wallets—like they mistook Ethereum for free shrimp at an Atlantic City buffet. One fella even packed away 871,000 on June 12. That’s whale-sized hunger if I ever saw it, and I saw Aunt Polly’s potato salad go missing one time.

The rate of DOGE has fallen by 2.67% over the last 24 hours.

But, hey, don’t jump to conclusions. Despite the price looking like it’s taking a dive off a cliff, Sei’s underlying fundamentals are actually pretty solid. It’s like that one guy at a party who’s totally bombed but still somehow manages to carry on a conversation without embarrassing himself. According to DeFi Llama (yep, that’s a thing), Sei’s total value locked (TVL) has hit an all-time high of over 3.08 billion SEI. That’s a big jump from 715 million back in January. Guess that’s something, right?

Now, these tokens, my friends, are akin to cryptocurrencies, flitting about on the blockchain like butterflies in a meadow. Coinbase’s Chief Legal Officer, the ever-earnest Paul Grewal, has declared to Reuters that this endeavor is their top priority. One can only imagine the fervor with which he uttered those words, perhaps while clutching a cup of chamomile tea for fortitude. If the SEC gives them the thumbs-up, Coinbase will wade into the murky waters of stock trading, joining the ranks of such illustrious competitors as Robinhood and Charles Schwab. It’s a veritable race to the finish line, and one can only hope they don’t trip over their own shoelaces! 🏃‍♂️💨

Coinbase, meanwhile, expands its dominion across continents, new alliances gleaming like medals pinned over regulatory wounds. But political storms gather at their flanks, while GameStop, ever prankish and mercurial, pirouettes on the very edge of speculation—trading more in dreams than delivered realities, investors squinting towards a Web3 tomorrow that may yet vanish with the morning mists.

Folks started scratching their heads and wondering, “What in Sam Hill just happened?” The answer, like most strange news these days, has to do with Justin Sun, crypto’s golden boy with the grin of a man who just won a new tractor, a mysterious merger, and a side plot starring Eric Trump—which, no one expected, yet here we are. 🍿