Crypto news

In this tragi-comedy, attackers wielded the batch swap function like a rapier, chaining transactions to exploit microscopic discrepancies. Let us now dissect their Machiavellian ballet:

Ah, Coinbase Europe Limited, the European arm of the American crypto darling, has managed to make headlines once again-though not the kind you’d brag about at a dinner party. The Central Bank of Ireland, with the patience of a saint or perhaps the sternness of a headmistress, has extracted a tidy sum of €21.5 million from Coinbase’s coffers. This delightful penalty stems from the company’s failure to properly monitor over 30 million transactions. What’s €176 billion between friends, after all? 🤷‍♂️

Santiment, that ever-watchful oracle, chirped on X that Ether (ETH) grazed $3,500, a feat so miraculous it convinced the masses that prosperity was nigh. “Back on track!” they cried, as if the track were not a rollercoaster of madness. On average, 2.7 bullish comments for every bearish one-a ratio as inflated as their expectations. “Extreme bullishness,” Santiment noted with a wink, for what is life without a touch of absurdity? 🎢

Apparently, our Mr. Prime was caught up in a spot of bother involving counterfeit goods and other, shall we say, unrefined pursuits. He initially declared he possessed a positively minuscule amount of the digital currency. Then, once the dust had settled, and after the relevant hardware had been… shall we say, “tidied up,” he suddenly remembered a vast fortune lurking on an orange external drive. The timing is, of course, purely coincidental. 🎭

A few hours after Lee gave the crypto community a pep talk about Ethereum, a mysterious transfer occurred. According to Arkham Intelligence, a new Ethereum address-suspected to belong to Lee himself-siphoned off 20,514 ETH (worth roughly $69.8 million) from FalconX like it was a last-minute grocery run. 🛒

Back in October 2025, the Americans for Tax Reform (yeah, those guys) spilled the beans that Circle’s terms of service were more restrictive than a corset at a buffet. 🍔 No weapons, no ammo, no knives, no explosives-not even a water gun for your kid’s birthday party! 🚫🎈 This sparked more outrage than a clown at a cat convention. 😾 The National Shooting Sports Foundation (NSSF) called it financial discrimination, and Republican lawmakers were like, “Hold my beer, this is unconstitutional!” 🍺🇺🇸

AVAX, my dear reader, continues its macabre dance, a waltz of lower lows, each step a sequential breakdown. Jesse Peralta’s chart, a masterpiece of despair, reveals rallies as fleeting as a Moscow winter’s sun. 🌚 Hovering above $15, it clings to life, a final structural defense before the abyss of $13.80. Will it hold, or shall we witness another act in this tragic ballet?

It includes both a Bitcoin ETF and a global bond ETF, showcasing a diversified investment strategy. Because nothing says “diversified” like betting on both digital gold and paper promises. 🧠📈

The rise in gold volatility during its rally to all-time highs in October makes the precious metal riskier and Bitcoin “more attractive to investors,” analysts said, based on the bitcoin-to-gold volatility ratio falling to 1.8, meaning BTC carries 1.8 times the risk of gold. A fact that would make even the most stoic investor weep into their champagne. 🥂😭

By 2 p.m. Eastern, BTC was down 2%, Ethereum (ETH) had belly-flopped 3.8%, and traders were watching smaller coins perform a tap-dancing act on the scoreboard.