Crypto news

So what’s cooking in the crypto kitchen? Let’s break it down, shall we? 🤔

With the markets gossiping about Fed rate cuts and a weaker dollar in 2025, crypto investors are back to their favorite game: “How do I get rich without actually working?” The answer? Stack more Bitcoin or hope for a 2x return while sipping lemonade and pretending you’re a Wall Street genius 🍋📈.

Having endured the indignity of slipping below $84,000 on Monday-a tragedy so brief it might’ve been scripted-Bitcoin staged a Tuesday resurrection that would make Houdini blush. The result? A blistering 8% surge, because why merely recover when one might ascend like a crypto phoenix? 🔥

The Kobeissi Letter, that oracle of numbers, cackles: even with $8.2 billion in debt, Strategy’s BTC stash still outshines its other endeavors, which the market values at a resounding negative. 🖤 Yes, my friends, the world has decided Strategy’s operations are worth less than a hole in the ground. A bizarre disconnect? Nay, it’s a cosmic joke, a financial farce penned by a drunk accountant and directed by a vengeful god. 🎭

Hybrid Layer Two (L2) blockchain Build on Bitcoin (BOB) was listed on Bithumb on 12/3/25, and its price jumped over 120% like a startled cat in a crypto panic. Zero fees for two days? Honestly, it’s the least Bithumb could do after this kind of chaos. (KRW trading, 2 days of free trading – zero fees because money?!) 😖

In a turn of events most intriguing, Miss Yi He, the astute businesswoman who co-founded the cryptocurrency empire Binance alongside the erstwhile Mr. Changpeng Zhao, has been anointed co-CEO. This proclamation was made by none other than Mr. Richard Teng, the current CEO, during the grand Binance Blockchain Week. 🏰✨

Phong Lee, in a rare moment of clarity between sips of champagne, declared this setup ensures Bitcoin won’t be sold “even if the market cries like a jilted lover at a telenovela finale.” 🍾😭

On Tuesday, the Ether DATs staged a comeback as dazzling as a society hostess at a debutante ball, with the Nasdaq-listed EthZilla (ETHZ) soaring 12.35% to a princely $10.80 in after-hours trading. According to Google Finance, no less. 📈✨

In a dramatic announcement on December 2, the DOJ revealed their bold move to shut down the tickmilleas.com website, which had been masquerading as a legitimate trading platform. The site was actually part of a much larger scam operation based out of the Tai Chang compound, known to the locals (and, now, the world) as Casino Kosai. This complex is located in Kyaukhat, Burma, where the scammers, not surprisingly, felt very at home.

Bitcoin’s bounce from the $80k-$83k support zone reads like a rom-com reunion. It peaked at Friday’s $93,100, now staring at the Oct. 8 trendline like a suspicious ex-text. Breakout? Potential. Collapse? Only if MACD loses its filter. 🐾