Crypto news

In a most theatrical proclamation, Schiff—notorious for hurling skepticism like confetti—challenges investors to turn their backs on Ethereum and bet abundantly on the Bitcoin stallion. “Why?” you may ask, with eyebrows raised to the heavens. He claims ETH’s meteoric rise, now grazing the heavenly heights, is akin to the last flickering candle before plunging into darkness. Could his claims stem from a sour grapey feeling towards Ethereum? 🍇

This delightful morsel of news comes courtesy of Theminermag, a publication that specializes in the merry antics of the cryptocurrency mining industry, where fortunes are made faster than one can say “blockchain.” 💰

The Seed Tag is like a warning label on a pack of cigarettes, or in this case, a cryptocurrency that’s considered riskier than a game of roulette 🎲. Binance decided to remove it from some meme coins like Bonk (BONK), Pepe (PEPE), and Pudgy Penguins (PENGU), because, apparently, they’re not as dodgy as they used to be 🙅‍♂️.

In 2017, Ripple introduced its XRP escrow system, locking up a whopping 55 billion XRP to avoid flooding the market and ensure long-term stability. Every month, 1 billion XRP is released in two tranches of 500 million each – a ritual that’s been repeated like clockwork, even in July 2025 🕰️. And, fun fact: only 200-350 million XRP are actually used for payments and ecosystem growth, with the rest being sent back to escrow, because who needs that much XRP, really? 🤷‍♂️

On a perfectly ordinary Monday, Trump Media and Technology Group (TMTG) – you know, the geniuses behind Truth Social, Truth+, and that FinTech fiasco Truth.Fi – announced they’ve amassed a cool $2 billion in Bitcoin and its shady cousins. This little hoard makes up two-thirds of their liquid assets, which total nearly $3 billion. How très chic! They’re also dabbling in $300 million worth of options for BTC-related securities, but hush-hush on the details. Plans include buying more Bitcoin and converting those options into actual crypto, all to “generate revenues” and snag more digital doodads, depending on whether the market decides to play nice. 😏💼

In a recent chat with Bloomberg, McGranahan waxed poetic about stablecoins, as if they were the latest fashion accessory for the global financial elite. One imagines him twirling his mustache, muttering, “Why, with these little darlings, you can send money faster than a babushka’s gossip spreads at a funeral!”

This audacious step comes as regulators, perhaps feeling a touch more charitable (or confused?), clarify that banks can dabble in digital assets—if, and only if, they adhere to compliance standards stricter than your grandmother’s rules for dating.

Atkins, bless his optimistic soul, appeared on CNBC sounding like a child who’d just discovered fairy dust was real. He babbled on about the Genius Act (because clearly crypto needs more *geniuses*), stablecoins fixing *all* the world’s problems 🪄, and digital assets being the future. Oh, the innocence!

The figures, of course, are presented with an almost clinical detachment, as if to mask the sheer *drama* of it all. 218,986 Coinbase shares, vanishing into the ether for a paltry $90.5 million. A mere trifle for a woman who once dreamt of conquering the digital frontier! And Roblox? 463,293 shares… discarded like a child’s broken toy. $57.7 million down the drain, or perhaps, reinvested in a grander, more… perplexing scheme.

SOL’s trading at $203 now, and the buyers are back with the conviction of a preacher on Sunday morning. Over $12 billion in daily volume, says Binance. That’s more action than a Saturday night at the local saloon. 🥃 But don’t get too comfy—analysts are already whispering about a pullback. Overbought, they say. Like a man who’s eaten too much pie at the county fair. 🥧