Crypto Chaos: BTC Tanks to $85K, Ethereum and Friends Join the Dreadful Dip!

The total crypto market capitalization has officially fallen below the $3 trillion mark, the first time since May 8. RIP $3T. Bitcoin is now languishing at $85,310, down 7% in the last 24 hours, making it the perfect time for all the “HODLers” to reassess their life choices. Ethereum is at $2,784, XRP at $1.96, and Solana, bless its soul, is at $130-each falling between 7% and 8.4%. 🍂

BTC’s $200K Dream: A 4-Year Hiccup 🐘💸

Brandt’s forecast, a masterclass in understated optimism, contrasts sharply with the economic alchemists of the crypto world-Arthur Hayes, Tom Lee, and others who insist $200K is just a coffee break away. Meanwhile, Cathie Wood and Brian Armstrong dream of $1 million Bitcoin by 2030, a figure so lofty it could only exist in a universe where gravity is optional. Brandt, modest as ever, expects a mere fivefold lesser amount a quarter later. How humble.

Bitcoin OG Owen Gunden Drops a Cool $228M in Kraken – Is the Market About to Crash? 🤔

But hold your horses, folks! Not all is doom and gloom. Some brave souls (and analysts) are holding onto the belief that Bitcoin might just be forming a “local bottom” – whatever that means. They’re comparing the current “correction” to those magical mid-cycle retracements during strong bull runs. Ah, optimism. They claim the macro environment is still on Bitcoin’s side and that long-term holders aren’t showing signs of turning into weaklings anytime soon. So, as panic-stricken sellers unload, the hope is that the market will eventually see the light at the end of the tunnel. 🌟

Polymarket’s $12B Prediction: Crypto, Partnerships, and Musk’s Magic! 😱

Polymarket, the crypto wizard 🧙‍♂️, is looking to raise a pile of cash at a jaw-dropping $12B valuation. Why? Because it’s expanding faster than a balloon in the oven, reaching into crypto and international markets, after shaking off some pesky regulatory issues. After sneaking back into the U.S. market and signing deals with some heavy hitters, Polymarket is ready to compete with Kalshi (watch out, Kalshi, here comes the heat!). According to Bloomberg, both companies are on a growth spree, and it’s only getting juicier from here.

The Ironic Collapse: Cryptos Take a Dive & Markets Play Hard to Get 🚀💸

On November 20th, the crypto carnival turned into a market sobfest: Bitcoin slid 2.52%, nosediving to $86,585-its basement since spring, apparently planning an encore. Ethereum, politely erasing its July gains, settled at $2,818, as if to mock the optimism of summer. Altcoins-those unstable children of the crypto family-were no better. Solana’s price went from a high of $144 down to $132-no better than a roller coaster with an idle ride. XRP dipped below the psychological $2 barrier, as if to say, “Not today, buddy.” And Dogecoin? That meme magician fell from $0.1591 to $0.1473-because if laughter is the best medicine, this is some very bitter medicine.