Crypto news

All this tumult, you see, transpired following a veritable cornucopia of legislation heralding the dawn of crypto enlightenment from the august halls of the U.S. House of Representatives. An improvement in investor sentiments about Ripple and its motley crew of digital assets accompanied this legislative parade. Even after a minor dip, XRP’s resilience in clinging tenaciously to its key levels has kept the souls of traders buoyantly optimistic. Cheers! 🍻

Apparently, the only people who can buy these shiny new tokens when they first hit the market are the early birds who got their tickets in advance. The rest of us? Well, we’re just going to have to sit tight and wait our turn. 🕒

This, mark you, is Tether’s boldest, most direct foray into the American regulatory abyss. Anti-money laundering! Audits! A compliance roadmap stretching into the distant, unknowable future! They speak of these things as if they are virtues, when in truth, they are merely the price of continued existence. USDT, they say, will remain for the… shall we say, *international* clientele. A convenient arrangement. But this new coin? It is for the domestic flock, to be sheered of their illusions of financial freedom. 🤔

The cunning thieves wormed their way into an internal account meant for “liquidity provisions”—fancy talk for greasing the wheels with another exchange. A server breach, they say; probably left the door ajar with a sticky note saying “Hackers welcome!” 😂

Why, he’s quick to note that XRP’s now the talk of the town on Google and YouTube, eclipsing even Bitcoin and Ethereum in the search stakes. It’s like XRP’s crashed the party and stolen the spotlight, a sure sign that the masses are itching for more, perhaps heralding a stampede before the real action kicks off. 😏

Ah, but let us not forget what a 401(k) plan truly is—a magical box where one tosses away portions of their hard-earned wages, hoping they’ll multiply by the time old age creeps upon them. In a recent Bloomberg interview, Atkins gave his blessing, albeit cautiously, to the inclusion of cryptocurrencies in these sacred accounts. But beware, he warned, for the private markets are as treacherous as a carriage ride through muddy backroads. He emphasized:

Svenson, commanding an audience of 83,500 souls on YouTube—probably more lost than found in this digital wilderness—points to the RSI on daily charts. This oscillator, swinging wildly between overbought and oversold, has supposedly heralded massive rallies before, in October 2023, February 2024, and November 2024. Oh, the irony of history repeating itself, not as tragedy, but as a bad joke with inflated prices. 😏

According to some fancy data from Cryptorank (which, let’s be honest, sounds like a superhero team but isn’t), Dogecoin has been historically terrible in Q3. Like, “forgot to show up to the party” levels of bad. For instance, back in 2019, DOGE closed Q3 with a 28.9% price drop. Ouch. Then came 2021 through 2024, where DOGE kept closing in the red zone faster than I close my bank app after seeing my balance. 😭

Lo and behold, XRP has rallied with the vigor of a village idiot turned hero overnight! Outpacing much of the crypto market in weekly gains, this token now stands at the center of attention. Some say this surge coincides with Bitcoin flirting coyly with the $120,000 mark—a threshold many believe could unlock untold riches for altcoins. Or perhaps… nothing at all. Who can truly know? 🤷‍♂️

Behold, this high-speed marvel! It champions the cause of your trade with the agility of a seasoned juggler, ensuring your whims are realized swiftly, impartially, and with an accuracy that would make even the sternest of accountants shed a tear. But lo! The average trader wanders blissfully through life, utterly oblivious to this technological sorcery weaving behind the curtains.