Well, well, well, look who’s finally showing up to the tokenized finance party-JPMorgan Asset Management! They’ve launched their first on-chain money market fund, cleverly named the My Onchain Net Yield Fund (MONY). Yes, MONY. Because nothing says “we’re serious about finance” like a name that sounds like a Monopoly currency. 🤑 It’s live on the Ethereum blockchain, which is a big deal for a bank that probably still faxes documents. 📠
In this grand design, those diverse yet parallel worlds of exchanges, the humble stewards of electronic wallets, and a plethora of other crypto service companies-all shall ascend from their lax moorings on anti-money-laundering registration, into the august continuum of regulation that girths banks and brokers as if they were but peas in a podld. 🚀
The data was shared on Dec. 16 by on-chain analytics platform Onchain Lens. According to the analysis, the address, often referred to as a “Bitcoin OG,” is currently facing an unrealized loss of about $54 million across large long positions in Bitcoin, Ethereum, and Solana. Because nothing says “I’m a legend” like losing half a billion. 💸
Cathie Wood’s ARK Invest embarked on a bargain-hunting escapade on Monday, as some of the biggest listed names in the crypto circus, including Coinbase (COIN), Bullish (BLSH), and Circle (CRCL), continued their multi-day descent into the abyss.
Ten months ago, in a moment of digital deja vu, MetaMask teased the world with the promise of Bitcoin, only to keep us waiting like a child counting down to Christmas. 🎄 But here we are, with Bitcoin now joining the ranks of supported assets from the Ethereum, Solana, Monad, and Sei blockchains in a blockchain tango. 💃🕺
Visa (NYSE: V), a global digital payments leader, has expanded its advisory capabilities as demand for stablecoins grows across global payments. The company announced the launch of its Stablecoins Advisory Practice on Dec. 15 to help banks, fintechs, merchants, and enterprises develop strategies and implement stablecoin-based solutions. 🤷♂️
Rodriguez and his chum William Lonergan Hill, both of whom seem to have landed themselves in a spot of bother over their crypto mixing protocol, were handed sentences of five and four years respectively. Quite the holiday camp, what? 🏖️⚖️
The FSCA, that bastion of financial order, has decided to update everyone on their progress. Apparently, regulating digital funny money is a thing now. On December 12th, they revealed the dizzying details. It’s enough to make your head spin, frankly. Prepare yourselves.
Bitcoin, ever the resilient martyr, clawed its way upward. But ZCash? Ah, no such redemption. The losses clung to it like a Soviet winter coat-heavy, unshakable, and entirely predictable.
Behold, the acquisitive frenzy! Anchorage, with its eyes fixed on the gilded prize of regulated stablecoins and custody, while Securitize, ever the alchemist, seeks to transmute real-world assets into blockchain gold. A dance of ambition, where the line between innovation and madness blurs like a candle in the wind. 🕯️🌪️