Here’s the secret sauce: they’re trying to blend DeFi with traditional trading. Like, why not? If you can’t beat the banks, just dress like one and trade perpetuals 24/7. Oh, and you can earn yield on your collateral? Genius. Because who *doesn’t* want to trade stocks and crypto while getting paid to hold coins? 🤑
Can ETH, with her delicate steps, break past resistance and ignite a bullish frenzy, or will she stumble once more into the arms of despair?
Take a peek at the 4-hour chart for $ETH, where prices have been adhering to the magical rules of support and resistance as if they were following an ancient tome of financial witchcraft. If the bulls can keep the price above that sweet $4,000 level until the Stochastic RSI can drag itself off the floor and get its act together, we might be partying at the $4,200 resistance. Or at least, we’ll enjoy some mediocre nachos in the meantime. 🥳
In an age where even the most mundane transactions require a PhD in blockchain, Gate has unveiled its own Layer 2 network, which they’ve christened “Gate Layer”-a name so uninspired it could only be the work of a committee of accountants and overpaid consultants. Built on the OP Stack, which is as comprehensible as a sonnet written in hexadecimal, and fully compatible with the Ethereum Virtual Machine, which is a bit like saying your toaster can also boil an egg. It’s all very impressive, if you’re the sort of person who finds the phrase “secure settlement layer” more thrilling than a trip to the seaside.
Circle’s president, the ever-optimistic Heath Tarbert, recently shared his ambitious plans with the Financial Times-a news source renowned for its insight, and also for being very serious about things that might not need to be serious at all. “We’re contemplating whether there’s a possibility of rolling back transactions,” he said. This sentiment sparkles with idealism, while simultaneously resembling a hamster running in a wheel: lots of effort but not going anywhere particularly useful. 🐹💫
Tether, that institution of quiet industry, has been diligently “printing” USDT with an almost frantic energy, pushing its market capitalization to heights previously unimagined. And naturally, where does this abundance of digital currency flow? Straight onto exchanges, naturally! As if preparing for…something.
It’s not like this is a one-off, either. Nope. Fitell is just the latest in a growing list of companies whose stock prices have taken a nosedive after buying crypto. Earlier this week, Helius Medical Technologies dropped almost 34% after buying a chunky $175 million worth of Solana. Nice timing, guys. Can’t make this up. 😬
The culprit? A hacker, or perhaps more accurately, a digital Houdini. CertiK, a blockchain security firm, confirmed that the attacker tricked Ethereum into believing a counterfeit LayerZero Peer was legitimate. This deception allowed the hacker to mint a whopping 5 billion fake GAIN tokens. And what did they do with this newfound wealth? They bridged those tokens to Binance Smart Chain (BSC), of course, and sold them for almost $3 million. Money laundering? Oh, don’t worry, that part was neatly handled via Tornado Cash. Classy.
But lo and behold! After this fancy announcement, noses started twitching and eyes began rolling. “Why on Earth would Pi want to shimmy with Sign?” they asked, frowning like grumpy toads. Our intrepid crypto wizard, Dr. Altcoin (who, I must add, could charm a snake), piped up and revealed that YZi Labs-the new darlings of Binance-had tossed a whopping $16 million into Sign’s treasure chest! 💰 Now that’s what I call a trust fall!
