According to an indictment that came to light this Monday, these two clever clogs launched their dodgy platform, OmegaPro, in 2019, promising jaw-dropping returns of up to 300% in just 16 months. Can you believe it? They said that top-secret elite traders were working their magic in the foreign exchange markets. 🤑 Spoiler alert: The only thing they were trading was trust, and they were selling it for a very steep price!
In a recent tête-à-tête with the Financial Times, Gerovich divulged his grand vision of achieving “escape velocity” through the acquisition of a staggering amount of BTC. “Imagine, if you will, a future where the mere weight of our Bitcoin holdings makes it nigh impossible for others to even dream of catching up,” he mused, with a twinkle in his eye that suggested he had already spent the proceeds. 🚀
With the Senate passing the “Genius Act,” Paolo expressed optimism, believing the legislation will create a global compliance framework for stablecoins, both domestic and foreign 🌎. Tether plans to align its current USDT token with these new standards and also launch a new onshore stablecoin tailored for the U.S. market 📈.
This most… thrilling product, which hath gone live on July 8, currently supports Coinbase (COIN), Robinhood (HOOD), MicroStrategy (MSTR), and Circle (CRCL), with more stocks to be added, bien sûr! Trades are only available during U.S. stock market hours, and all positions are automatically closed at the end of each trading day, because, dear trader, thou must not be allowed to sleep on thy laurels 😴.
From June 28 to July 4, the company embarked on an Ether shopping spree, gobbling up 7,689 Ether for a cool $19 million at an average price of $2,501. The treasury is now looking rather healthy, thank you very much.
The result? One might say the stock tickers are dancing a zesty kazachok: BTCS in particular, leaping so high they nearly collided with the chandeliers, posting a triple-digit prance. Who knew spreadsheets were such thrilling spectacles?
Historically, Ether has flirted with its ambitious goal, reaching nearly $5,000 in 2021. Meanwhile, XRP’s zenith was a modest $3.4 in January 2018, a height it only matched in 2025, much to the chagrin of its loyalists.
The announcement, made on the 8th of July by none other than Chris Maddern, the co-founder and chief executive officer of Rally, has sent ripples through the crypto community. Maddern, now assuming the role of chief technology officer at OpenSea, alongside his co-founder Christine Hall, who joins the leadership team, promises to bring a fresh breeze to the OpenSea Mobile experience. This reimagined platform, they say, will become the central hub for all things onchain, from the mystical world of non-fungible tokens to the whimsical realm of memecoins, and the ever-complex domain of decentralized finance.
For years the whirlpool of American law has spun Ripple and its helmsman in a strange, Kafkaesque dance. To survive, Garlinghouse proclaims, his vessel has worn the uncomfortable costume of “compliance-first”—the financial world’s version of a hair shirt, chafing but pious. 🧑⚖️
MAXFINEANCIAL (Aside, with much flourish): My learned sirs, observe this grand design: a grand double-bottom, verdant and lusty, emerges within yon orange flag. ‘Tis the hand script of continuation, or so I do proclaim on the scrolls of X!
The town crier alarums us: “The latest high, ‘tis but a gentle tap upon the double-bottom’s sacred trigger line, like a suitor rapping meekly at his beloved’s door.” Now, watch as the coin pirouettes upon the top of its flag, whirling atop that mystical 1-hour, 200-day Moving Average — a most obstinate friend, a real teetotaler, never letting a bull slip past unchecked. 🐂⚔️
Today’s prophecy: a petite pennant, pink as a blushing debutante at the ball, flutters its lashes for higher flight – yet, beware! For even as the chorus chants of ascent, a rare and frightful diamond top forms in the shadows: a pattern known to betray and send us cascading downward, as if gravity suddenly remembered its job.
