Crypto news

A Clear Pattern Emerging

Deribit, the crypto options exchange so dominant it makes black holes look indecisive, reported an all-time high OI of $50 billion. Their latest update, delivered with the urgency of a Vogon poetry reading, noted that “$100K puts are gaining traction.” Whether this means Bitcoin is heading for the moon or a dramatic faceplant remains to be seen.

Behold, XRP lingers at $2.40, a mere 1% uptick in the fleeting span of a day. It clings to its bastion, that sacred range between $2.30 and $2.40, as if holding a fragile teacup in a hurricane. Will it steady its course, or shall it plummet into the abyss of $2.25? The gods of charts alone know. 🤔

Fancy an exotic explosion of digital currencies? This proposed contraption, dubbed the T. Rowe Price Active Crypto ETF, will probably want to make cozy nests with anywhere between five to fifteen cryptos. Bitcoin and Ethereum, those celebrity children of the crypto family, are sure to be included, along with other alt-notables such as Solana, XRP, Cardano, and Litecoin-oh, Pinterest for the blockchain set.

Months of tightening price action? Sounds like a crypto version of a yoga class-everything’s tight, but no one’s really moving. 🧘‍♀️

Thompson’s thesis, as delicate as a moth’s wing, insists the October 10 open-interest purge was not a death knell for Bitcoin and Ethereum, but a prelude to a grander tale. “Behold! The positioning here is rare-a tempest of liquidation on the cusp of macro ‘goldilocks’,” he wrote, comparing the event to a Trumpian victory in 2024. “A 10/10 liquidation, cleansing leverage more fiercely than the entire Jan-Apr ’25 saga,” he declared, as if summoning a storm to clear the air.

They’re dreaming of a $1 victory lap, but as long as it stays above $0.49, maybe there’s hope. Or maybe just a good excuse to sip coffee while obsessing over charts. ☕💸

Coinbase CEO Brian Armstrong, ever the optimist, claims the legislative framework is “90% there,” leaving the remaining 10% to squabble over decentralized finance. One might ask: what’s the point of a 10% disagreement if the other 90% is already a masterpiece of bureaucratic nonsense? 🤯

Behold, the Sendwave Wallet-where USDC dances on the Solana network like a disco ball at a financial fiesta! 🕺💰

Carlson, ever the voice of reason, declared that digital currencies are “totalitarian control.” A bold statement, sure, but let’s not forget that the CIA has been busy doing actual things like overthrowing governments and pretending they don’t exist. Yet here we are, blaming Bitcoin for the end of freedom. 🤡