Crypto news

In a missive of considerable length, titled with no small degree of drama, “2026: The Year of the Fed’s Regime Change,” Mr. Krüger boldly asserts that “the Federal Reserve, as we have known it, shall expire in 2026.” He posits that the paramount driver of asset returns shall be a new, exceedingly dovish Fed, helmed by none other than Mr. Kevin Hassett. This shift, he avers, shall prove a pivotal force for risk assets at large, and Bitcoin in particular, in the year 2026-though the crypto markets, in their present state, trade as if no fundamental alteration were afoot. 🦢

Yet, dear reader, while the notion of monetizing one’s social charm is as enticing as a well-stocked ballroom, the reality remains as disjointed as a poorly orchestrated quadrille. Platforms abound, yet none offer the seamless waltz of integration-until now. Enter Polarise, an AI-powered “full-stack” protocol, boldly claiming to unite society’s gossip and finance’s gold in one tidy ledger. 🤖💼

Some nations, bless their hearts, claimed to act in the name of investor protection-though one might suspect their true aim was to prevent the common folk from losing their fortunes to schemes more dubious than a Regency-era fortune hunter.

So what’s cooking in the crypto kitchen? Let’s break it down, shall we? 🤔

With the markets gossiping about Fed rate cuts and a weaker dollar in 2025, crypto investors are back to their favorite game: “How do I get rich without actually working?” The answer? Stack more Bitcoin or hope for a 2x return while sipping lemonade and pretending you’re a Wall Street genius 🍋📈.

Having endured the indignity of slipping below $84,000 on Monday-a tragedy so brief it might’ve been scripted-Bitcoin staged a Tuesday resurrection that would make Houdini blush. The result? A blistering 8% surge, because why merely recover when one might ascend like a crypto phoenix? 🔥

The Kobeissi Letter, that oracle of numbers, cackles: even with $8.2 billion in debt, Strategy’s BTC stash still outshines its other endeavors, which the market values at a resounding negative. 🖤 Yes, my friends, the world has decided Strategy’s operations are worth less than a hole in the ground. A bizarre disconnect? Nay, it’s a cosmic joke, a financial farce penned by a drunk accountant and directed by a vengeful god. 🎭

Hybrid Layer Two (L2) blockchain Build on Bitcoin (BOB) was listed on Bithumb on 12/3/25, and its price jumped over 120% like a startled cat in a crypto panic. Zero fees for two days? Honestly, it’s the least Bithumb could do after this kind of chaos. (KRW trading, 2 days of free trading – zero fees because money?!) 😖

In a turn of events most intriguing, Miss Yi He, the astute businesswoman who co-founded the cryptocurrency empire Binance alongside the erstwhile Mr. Changpeng Zhao, has been anointed co-CEO. This proclamation was made by none other than Mr. Richard Teng, the current CEO, during the grand Binance Blockchain Week. 🏰✨

Phong Lee, in a rare moment of clarity between sips of champagne, declared this setup ensures Bitcoin won’t be sold “even if the market cries like a jilted lover at a telenovela finale.” 🍾😭