On CNBC, Jan van Eck (yes, that’s his real name) warned the Bitcoin community to start worrying about two things: 1) whether quantum computers will laugh at their encryption, and 2) whether users want their financial business exposed like a TikTok confession. He said it with the gravitas of a man who’s never owned a wallet that didn’t have a password.
There’s chatter swirling faster than a dame’s lipstick about the death of the four-year cycle – as if economic astrology could save us – and whispers of a mercurial new market structure that’s tossing everybody’s investments like a soggy cocktail napkin. Meanwhile, ETFs (Fancy name, darling) are holding onto what liquidity they can find, like a debutante clutching her clutch at Closing Night. But don’t get comfy just yet – the latest on-chain tidbits suggest those brave ETF folk might get their first real test soon. ⏳
Vector.fun, that quirky DEX on Solana’s block, is best known for letting users gleefully chase memecoins and mimic the bets of their posse. But now? Coinbase plans to herd Vector.fun’s 13-person workforce into its corral while putting Vector.fun’s apps out to pasture. Cute little apps, full of dreams-now just data to be processed like wheat in a combine. 🌾
Bloomberg’s Mr. Eric Balchunas, a fellow who seems to know his onions, confirmed the whole shebang, and rather cheekily suggested a Chainlink ETF might be following suit. Grayscale are expanding beyond Bitcoin and Ethereum at a rate of knots, it seems. One almost feels sorry for the poor fund managers trying to keep up.
Ah, the cryptocurrency market-a theater of the absurd where fortunes are made and lost faster than one can say “blockchain.” November, that cruel mistress, has delivered yet another act of tragedy, with digital assets plummeting like leaves in autumn, even the mighty ones not spared from the carnage. 🌍💔
A recent “chain split” event, a tempest in the Cardano network, was wrought by a malformed transaction. This exploit, a serpent in the grass, gnawed at the software’s core. It caused a cacophony of user disruption, and the price of ADA, that proud token, plummeted with the weight of despair. The network, once steadfast, now quaked, its block production a sluggish crawl. 🐴💸
Michael Saylor swooped in like, “Actually-” (you know that tone) and clarified: “We are not a fund. We are not a trust. We are not your dad’s LLC.” Nope. We’re a real boy! 💼✨ Strategy Inc. runs a $500 million software business (yes, they still do actual work) while moonlighting as Wall Street’s most committed Bitcoin groupie.
Well, it looks like Solana decided to take a bit of a nosedive. The crypto world is in chaos, and Solana, for some reason, couldn’t resist joining the fun, falling below the $130 mark. It’s all part of a larger market downturn that’s putting a damper on just about every digital asset out there. Who would’ve thought, right?
Nearly 400,000 accounts got wiped out. A single order on Hyperliquid? Thirty-seven million dollars. That’s a significant chunk of change, even for people who actively enjoy gambling with digital ones and zeros. The long bets – you know, the ones where people confidently predicted things would go up – took the biggest hit. Which, frankly, is how things usually work out. 🤔 I’m starting to think “HODL” is less of a financial strategy and more of a cry for help.
Because nothing says “innovation” like buying someone else’s innovation, Coinbase announced-drumroll-it’s acquiring Vector. Because why build when you can just swipe right on someone else’s hard work? The deal should close by year-end, assuming no one changes their mind after a sobering cup of tea.