Crypto news

The Facts:

This caper kicks off right after Ripple’s big courtroom victory, where the US Securities and Exchange Commission-these regulators are like trolls guarding bridges, all frowns and fees-wrapped up a lawsuit accusing the firm of flogging unregistered securities to fat cats. Sarcasm aside, under the current lot in charge, it’s all smiles and blockchain hugs now, even dropping cases against other crypto merrymakers. Who knew bureaucracy could do a pirouette? 🕺

Behold the saga of Bitcoin and Ethereum ETF-crucibles of modern greed-whose losses sing a mournful dirge beneath the weight of mounting uncertainty. Monday’s lament revealed $40.47 million vanishing into the abyss, the fourth such day of suffering. BlackRock’s IBIT, the behemoth drifted into oblivion, shedding a staggering $100.65 million; oh, how the mighty fall! Meanwhile, Fidelity’s FBTC and Bitwise’s BITB brave the storm, claiming modest respite with inflows of $9.67 million and $12.05 million-perhaps a jest from fate itself, mocking the illusion of stability.

On a fateful Monday that would surely echo through the annals of time, the House of Doge, huddled with their partners at Brag House Holdings, Inc., proclaimed itself the “largest equity holder” in the historic yet hapless US Triestina Calcio 1918. This move is part of their lofty mission – to find projects that “carry community, cultural relevance, and long-term value.” Sounds great, doesn’t it? Like a soap on a rope! 📈

As Bitcoin bounces back from a low near $103,700, traders are indulging in the classic game of “Will it stay or will it go?” Is this just a “controlled deleveraging,” or, as some might call it, a temporary waltz before the next massive advance? Oh, the suspense. Meanwhile, Ether has also dusted itself off and reclaimed $4,000, adding a bit of sparkle to the crypto world. But of course, who could ignore the sudden lull in trade-war headlines? Almost like someone flipped the switch to “Calm down.” And let’s not forget the growing whispers of possible Fed rate cuts. A little gift from the central bank, perhaps? 🎁

And get this: whispers of a $1 billion digital treasury fling, hoarding XRP like it’s the last chocolate in the box, while teaming up with Absa Bank (hello, South Africa!) and even dabbling with DBS and Franklin Templeton. Partnerships? More like a glittery orgy of finance. 🙄

What a scene: Elon Musk, the king of chaos, whips out a post on X featuring his adorable Shiba Inu, Floki, and BAM! – instant speculation frenzy for the FLOKI memecoin. Immediate, hilarious, and utterly bonkers. 😂🚀

After tapping an all-time high of $4,376 per ounce, gold took a breather and slipped to $4,233 on Sun. afternoon. Fast forward to today, and it’s strutting back up 2.48%, with each ounce fetching $4,365 as of 3:26 p.m. Eastern time. Silver’s playing sidekick, up 0.70% over the past day at $52.30 per troy ounce. 🌟

Behold, the centerpiece of his campaign: a Chief Innovation Officer, a figure so grand, so visionary, that one might mistake them for a character from a Gogol novella! 🧛‍♂️ This officer shall reign over an Innovation Council, flanked by three advisory committees-crypto, AI, and biotech-each more enigmatic than the last. Their mission? To advise on workforce training and rule changes, of course! But fear not, dear reader, for this is no mere bureaucratic shuffle; it is a revolution, a symphony of progress conducted by the maestro himself, Cuomo! 🎩🎶

Yet, amidst the gridlock, the legislative merry-go-round spins on. Wednesday brings a Democratic roundtable, a veritable salon of crypto titans from Coinbase, Kraken, Circle, Ripple and sundry other alchemists, convened under the baleful eye of Senator Kirsten Gillibrand to ponder the mythical market-structure bill. How quaint, this post-X insight from the indefatigable Eleanor Terret! 😏