Crypto news

The Eagle Takes Off! 🦅

Unlike those tacky knockoff tokens cluttering the crypto market (looking at you, Dogecoin 🐕), Bitcoin wasn’t cooked up in some corporate boardroom over a sad Zoom call. No foundation, no marketing team, just pure, unfiltered decentralization-like a financial commune, but with fewer tie-dye shirts.

Robin Energy has shockingly-and we use the term “shockingly” advisedly-gifted a cool $5 million in Bitcoin to Anchorage Digital Bank N.A., or as we like to call it, a much-needed splash of digital diversity. This move has teased them out of the doldrums of maritime business into the intoxicating rush of the financial OK Corral.

A recent inquisition dispatched through the electronic ether by one Ali Martinez reveals this mystery encapsulated within the 1-day antics of Dogecoin. These remarkable bounds are established when the scribbling of a price transcribes itself within the confines of two parallel lines, an aberration known as a Parallel Channel.

Paul Barron, a fellow who reports these things on what used to be called Twitter, now X, informs us this represents 0.26% of all existing Ethereum. A sliver, one might say, were it not for his subsequent calculations. He postulates – with the fervency of a man who enjoys extrapolation – that at this rate, BitMine might require another 4.1 million ETH before the year is out. 🗓️ Which, given the paltry 11 million presently available on exchanges, suggests a potential…shall we say… *inconvenience*. A shortage. A scramble! It’s all terribly dramatic, isn’t it?

Upon the grand stage of the Inaugural OECD Roundtable on Global Financial Markets, a.k.a. the Parisian Colosseum, on September 10, 2025, the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission’s maestro, Paul S. Atkins, let fall not just words but a veritable digital net packed with promises. He declared with unyielding fervor:

In a statement that could only be described as groundbreaking (and probably a little late), Atkins boldly proclaimed, “Crypto’s time has come.” Wow, thanks for the update, Paul! As if we didn’t know that already, right? 🙄

Sharplink Gaming, Inc. (Nasdaq: SBET) announced on a sun-drenched September 9 that it has embarked upon a journey of stock repurchases, a noble crusade to “drive long-term stockholder value.” Think of it as ethereum’s Robin Hood, plucking shares from the marketplace while they gallop sadly below net asset value, clutching their invisible price tags.

Analyst Muro (aka the Crypto Oracle) dropped a hot take on X, saying WIF broke out of a descending wedge pattern. 🧐 Apparently, this means it’s either reversing or continuing a bullish trend. Or maybe it’s just lost and doesn’t know which way to go. 🤔 After weeks of price action doing the crypto version of a slow burn, we’ve got a breakout. Buyers are like, “Finally, something to do!” while sellers are sipping their tea like, “We’ll see.” 🍵

The token, having rebounded from its earlier misfortunes with the resilience of a Gogol protagonist, now teeters on the edge of destiny. Should it surpass this critical threshold, it may ascend to the lofty heights of $950, or even $1,000, a sum that would make even Chichikov blush with envy. But beware, for the path is fraught with sellers, those cunning harbingers of resistance, who have thrice thwarted its ambitions. 🛡️⚔️