As reported by the Khaleej Times (because who else would dare to break this news?), the Central Bank of the UAE is issuing a digital version of the beloved AED. Think of it as the dirham’s stylish younger sibling, all sleek and modern 🕶️. This digital darling will be accepted everywhere, alongside its physical counterpart, and you’ll be able to access it through your trusty banks, exchange houses, and even those trendy fintech firms.
In a parallel tale of woe, Binance finds itself embroiled in claims of a leak involving over 130,000 records of user emails and passwords. Yet, in a twist worthy of a farcical play, Binance vehemently denies that this data emerged from a breach within their hallowed exchange. Instead, they attribute the calamity to phishing attacks, where dastardly villains gain access to user data by compromising browser sessions with malware. Oh, the irony!
Ah, the wild west of blockchain, where the brave and the bewildered roam free. And what’s more bewildering than Sei Blockchain’s acquisition of 23andMe, the genetic testing company that’s been collecting DNA samples from millions of Americans like a digital-age Noah’s Ark? 🐦
Paolo Ardoino, the maestro behind the scenes, has deigned to inform us plebeians that this is but a mere restocking of the digital shelves on the hallowed Tron network. These tokens, like ghosts yet to materialize, have been blessed in advance but linger in the ethereal realm, waiting for their moment to descend upon the market. 🧾✨
Bitcoin (BTC) took a nosedive below $85,000, while the beloved tokens Shiba Inu (SHIB), Dogecoin (DOGE), and Cardano (ADA) decided to join the pity party, all slipping over 3%. The total market cap of all cryptocurrencies, as tracked by CMC, dropped by 2.6% to a mere $2.76 trillion. I mean, who needs that kind of money anyway? 🙄
In but a day, its worth did fall, to mere $0.094, a sorry toll. From millions vast, its cap did shrink, from $155m to $94m, oh, what a link! Yet in this storm, its volume swelled, to $312m, a tale most compel🌪️d.
In a mere 12 hours, two suspiciously fresh wallets – fresher than Gwyneth Paltrow’s latest cleanse – shuffled around 14,064 ETH through THORChain and Chainflip. Because nothing screams “innocent bystander” like using names straight out of a Norse mythology convention. Then, they cashed it all in for a cool $27.5 million in DAI at, like, $1,956 per ETH. Smart, but also, *eye roll*.
As traders hold their breath and cross their fingers, the options market is playing a game of chicken with the technical indicators. It’s like a game of Twister, but with money and fewer stretchy limbs.
Observe the weekly chart for $ETH! A grim spectacle unfolds. The price, it teeters on the very edge, perhaps at a point from which there is no return. A sturdy horizontal support, like a crumbling wall, coincides with the once-proud ascending trendline of the bull market. Should the price shatter below these two, like glass under a hammer 🔨, a cascade of panic selling could well spell the end of the bull market’s illusions for $ETH.
But wait, there’s more! Dunamu is dishing out a whopping 300 billion won ($204.5 million) in dividends. That’s not just a distribution of retained earnings; it’s a full-blown money parade. 🎊 Operating profits? Up 85.1% year-over-year, hitting 1.18 trillion won ($809 million). Net profits? A cool 983.8 billion won ($671 million), up 22.2%. If this were a movie, it’d be called “The Wolf of Upbit Street.” 🐺
