Crypto news

According to the ever-so-dignified BitMine chairman, Mr. Tom Lee, the October 10th liquidations, coupled with the lingering question of whether the US Federal Reserve will decide to cut rates in December, have kept the poor crypto market in quite a tizzy. He has ventured to suggest that there are signs of ‘exhaustion’ among the sellers, though whether these sellers are merely fatigued or simply out of ideas remains to be seen. His technical analysis, which I am sure involves a great deal of staring at graphs, suggests that a bottom may soon be upon us. How thrilling! 🎢

This abrupt shift is like watching your in-laws argue over the thermostat setting. Traders now await the November 19 FOMC minutes like it’s the final episode of a reality show they’ve invested too much time in.

Oh, the irony! BlackRock’s spot bitcoin ETF, IBIT, now resembles a shipwreck, its hull breached by a tide of red ink and a tempest of bearish options. 🌊

Hayes takes a stroll down memory lane, back to April 2, 2025, during the “US Liberation Day” chaos when Trump decided tariffs were a fun hobby. This, of course, triggered the usual fears of a depression. But then, like a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat, Trump “TACO’d” (his brilliant word for calling a truce on tariffs) on April 9, and boom-Bitcoin shot up by 21%. He even goes so far as to claim that this rally wasn’t some kind of magical decoupling of reality, but merely a temporary distortion created by ETFs and Digital Asset Treasury vehicles. Well, that’s comforting.

Grayscale Investments, in a truly inspired moment of ‘why-not’, has filed for an IPO. They’re testing U.S. public markets with the same enthusiasm most people use when doing their taxes, expecting a friendlier regulatory climate because they’ve finally started looking both ways before crossing the street to talk to regulators.

To put it in terms even your Aunt Agatha could understand: Brian Armstrong’s brainchild, which relies on crypto prices and trading volumes like a chap relies on his morning tea, is looking decidedly wobbly.

Ripple, that once-buoyant vessel, now lists perilously. XRP, down 5% in a day, languishes 40% below its July zenith of $3.65. A tragedy, or merely a farce? The market, ever indifferent, shrugs. 🤷♂️

Openledger, a name that screams “trust us, we’re ethical!”, has partnered with Cambridge’s Blockchain Society-a group that probably still thinks “blockchain” isn’t a solution in search of a problem. This “long-term program” (read: five-year experiment in futility) aims to make AI less of a “closed black box” by… using blockchain? The technology that invented the modern black box? 🤹♂️

Okay, so Ethereum is currently doing that thing where it kinda just… hovers. Like a slightly anxious hummingbird. It’s near some “key support levels,” which, let’s be real, is crypto-speak for “please don\’t fall any further.” We\’ve been seeing a lot of volatility, which, honestly, is just a fancy word for “panic selling.” 📉

Analysts, those modern-day prophets of chaos, divide like factions in a madhouse. Some shriek of a bear market’s advent, citing “weak momentum” and “short-term losses”-as if numbers could divine the inscrutable heart of BTC. Others, wide-eyed, whisper of consolidation’s virtue: “Behold, a coiled spring! A surge beyond all-time highs awaits!” 🐻 (Spoiler: They’ve said this since 2017.)