Crypto news

A whale deposited $11.68 million USDC into HyperLiquid, accumulating 28,390 Solana [SOL] through a TWAP order that was still active at capture time. 🐋💎

The latest sell-off, that most refined of financial melodramas, owes itself to three splendidly unfortunate villains:

Despite this little dip, Ethereum’s still the golden child of the market. New data from Glassnode says no altcoin has outperformed ETH in a month. DeFi and Layer 2 tried to flex, but even they’re just the backup dancers at this point. This resilience? It’s like Ethereum’s saying, “Yeah, the whole market’s tanking, but I’m still the MVP.” It’s the blockchain version of wearing a cape to work on a Monday.

This isn’t the first time this year that President Trump’s name has been caught up in an absolutely bizarre tale. Earlier, there was that little “Trump’s Bitcoin Whitepaper Reveal” debacle that sent the crypto world into a tizzy-turns out, that was as fake as the rest of the rumors.

While most of us are huddling in fear, clutching our wallets as if they were our last lifeline, this trader sees an opportunity. A golden one. “Buy the dip!” he cries, almost as if he’s a prophet speaking to us mere mortals. He insists this isn’t a harbinger of doom, but rather the ideal moment to scoop up some more of that precious, digital gold.

But hold on-this isn’t just another gamble in the casino of crypto folklore. No, Gumi, ever the strategist, claims this is a masterstroke to secure a shining role in the grand tapestry of global payment and liquidity networks-powered, of course, by that capricious creature known as blockchain. Their major shareholder, SBI Holdings, has already woven XRP into its magic money transfer tricks, making the token the chosen knight in shining armor for Gumi’s sprawling ambitions. Alas, the pursuit of glory or gold? You decide. 🤔✨

Admittedly, stablecoins are still a fledgling fawn in the financial jungle, stumbling over regulatory thorns and market skepticism. JPMorgan’s revised $500 billion forecast by 2028 is a far cry from last year’s moonshot of a trillion. Yet, as any true visionary knows, growth is a marathon, not a sprint. 🐢

He spoke with the fervor of a preacher at a revival, claiming that while CEXs might reign supreme now-like a king perched unsteadily on a wobbly throne of liquidity and polished user experience-the winds of change were blowing towards the wild, untamed landscape of decentralized finance, affectionately dubbed DeFi. He argued, with a twinkle in his eye, that a DEX birthed with the spirit of privacy and efficiency could bring about a revolution, reshaping the very fabric of our financial reality. It’s like watching the tortoise challenge the hare, but with more blockchain and fewer sleeping moments. 🐢✨

According to Reuters (who, let’s face it, have a knack for reporting on the absurd), young Eric waxed lyrical during a panel discussion, declaring China “a hell of a power” in the crypto game. 🇨🇳🔥 Of course, China’s still playing hard-to-get with digital assets, but hey, who needs romance when you’ve got stablecoins? Meanwhile, Hong Kong’s rolling out the red carpet for crypto like it’s a Discworld ball. 🎩

Shareholders, presumably after a long night of drinking and deliberating, approved the stock-for-stock merger on Wednesday. The company then waited two days to announce the decision on Friday, because urgency is clearly overrated. As part of this financial jujitsu, a reverse five-to-one stock split and new Nasdaq listing are scheduled for 5:00 pm ET on Sept. 2-just in time to confuse the stock market into a frenzy.