Crypto news

Hyperliquid’s $18.9 billion market cap dwarfed ASTER’s $1.6 billion. Yet, ASTER’s hidden orders and momentum hinted it could challenge HYPE’s dominance later. A David vs. Goliath saga? 🦌

The FTX Recovery Trust, in a move that’s almost as surprising as finding a restaurant at the end of the universe, has announced a third distribution of funds worth approximately $1.6 billion. The payout is scheduled for September 30, 2025, because even in bankruptcy, deadlines are as inevitable as the Vogons’ poetry. This is the biggest leap towards compensating former clients and creditors since the catastrophic collapse of the exchange in November 2022, which left everyone feeling like they’d been hit by a Vogon constructor fleet.

Ripple, that perennial optimist, has seized the spotlight with the launch of its spot XRP ETF in the United States. The REX Osprey XRPR ETF, a name as unwieldy as a Chekhovian family drama, recorded $37 million in day-one volume-$24 million of which was traded in the first 90 minutes. Analysts, those eternal soothsayers, predict XRP could reach $5 in the near term. 🤑 Yet, one cannot help but wonder: is this the dawn of a new era, or merely a fleeting moment of glory before the inevitable return to obscurity? After all, even the brightest stars eventually fade.

New revelations whisper that this crypto titan teeters on the precipice of a cycle’s summit. How poetic, eh? 🤔

The European Union, that noble assembly of bureaucrats and dreamers, has solemnly nodded in agreement over a roadmap for a central bank digital currency-a digital euro, because nothing says “progress” like adding more digits to your money. The European Central Bank, ever eager to flex its strategic muscles, insists this is about “autonomy” and not, say, mild panic over the dollar’s dominance. How very… European.

The confirmation of the mainnet activation date was made during the recent All Core Developers Consensus (ACDC) call, where the assembly of minds, ever the paragons of diligence, established schedules for public testnet upgrades and the blob-parameter-only (BPO) hard fork, a term as enigmatic as the riddles of the ancients. 🧩

So, here’s the deal: YZi Labs has decided to pump even more money into Ethena Labs. Apparently, USDe is now the third-largest, fastest-growing USD-denominated crypto asset. But wait, this isn’t just about bragging rights-no, no, it’s all about building the “next-gen” digital dollar infrastructure. You know, that thing the financial world has been “waiting for” forever. Efficiency and liquidity-sounds like a dream, doesn’t it?

This coincided with Dogecoin’s price going from $0.26 to $0.28. That’s like a 7.7% increase in three days. If only my savings account did that. 😒

So, here’s the deal: IG Group, the big-time FTSE 250 trading firm, has decided it’s time to get serious about crypto-how serious? So serious they’re buying 70% of Independent Reserve, one of Australia’s largest crypto exchanges, for a cool $72 million. This means they’re about to turbocharge their crypto game across Asia Pacific. Watch out, UK and US, IG’s eyes are on the prize in new markets! 😎

According to sources who definitely weren’t eavesdropping at a hockey game, investigators seized servers in Beauharnois-a place so small even Google Maps shrugs when you ask for directions. RCMP Sgt. Mathieu Lagarde, who probably has a name tailor-made for dramatic press conferences, said: “The servers were in Canada. So we seized them. And the crypto. Because that’s how policing works.” Authorities added this is the first time a crypto exchange has been dismantled in Canada, proving that Mounties do more than just pose for postcards and occasionally arrest beavers.