Crypto News

Chen Shi, a sage from the Zhongnan University of Economics and Law, muses that this practice is a “makeshift solution” — a polite way of saying it’s a bit of a mess. 🎭 He suggests that better oversight is needed, as crypto crimes continue to rise like a phoenix from the ashes of regulation. Guo Zhihao, a legal eagle from Beijing Yingke Law Firm, chimes in, pointing out the glaring conflict between the crypto ban and the need to liquidate seized tokens. It’s as if the left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing. 🤷‍♂️

Now, forced to retreat like Gogol’s own Akaky after losing his overcoat, Ethena must return every last USDe token under the ever-watchful eye of BaFin, who no doubt is twirling a bureaucratic monocle. Not content to just shake their heads in disappointment, BaFin slapped down a fine of €600,000 – an amount more than enough to buy a hundred bureaucratic overcoats – and forbade Ethena from receiving payments or selling tokens. This, they claim, is all to protect the creditors’ precious few beans from vanishing altogether. 🚫💰

Hong, who’s clearly been binge-watching Trump’s greatest hits, says he’ll roll back crypto rules faster than you can say “Make Blockchain Great Again.” His goal? To turn blockchain into South Korea’s next big export—right after kimchi and Samsung phones. 🇰🇷📱

Alchemy Pay (ACH), the Singapore-based fiat-crypto payment gateway that’s cooler than a cucumber in a freezer, now has the legal green light to facilitate secure transactions in Arizona. With this shiny new license, they’ve got MTLs in nine U.S. states, including Arkansas, Iowa, and Wyoming. And they’re not stopping there—they’re applying for more licenses like they’re collecting Pokémon cards. Gotta catch ‘em all, right? 🌍

What does this mean for you, the average investor? Glad you asked! If this thing gets approved, you could trade XRP futures just like you’re buying socks at the grocery store—through your regular brokerage account. No fancy crypto wallets or worrying about those weird “keys” that always seem to be lost in the Bermuda Triangle of the internet. It’s like the easy button for getting in on XRP—without actually owning the thing. Genius, right?

So, apparently, Bitcoin (BTC) is facing an uphill battle in 2025. Like, a *really* steep hill. Think Everest, but paved with shattered dreams and questionable investment choices. Gold fund inflows are circling $80 billion. Yes, BILLION. It’s enough to make a girl consider ditching her day job and becoming a prospector. ⛏️

At the moment, the broader cryptocurrency market is caught in the throes of a deep identity crisis, with volatility wreaking havoc across top assets. Naturally, this has left traders and investors shaking in their boots, especially when it comes to the unpredictable, often comical world of memecoins.

The bill, which sought to empower the State Treasurer to dabble in Bitcoin and other digital assets, was a bold attempt to modernize Oklahoma’s financial strategy. It proposed investing up to 10% of state funds in cryptocurrencies, with the added flair of staking and integrating crypto into retirement plans. Alas, the dream of a Bitcoin-powered Sooner State has been relegated to the dustbin of legislative history. 📜🗑️

Apparently, the crypto gossip mill is working overtime. The project’s credibility is so shaken, you’d think it had just seen Bitcoin drop below $10K.

According to Nvidia, they’re going to take a massive $5.5 billion hit because of these pesky export restrictions. Why? Because the US government decided that their AI chips are too powerful for China. Sure, let’s just throw a wrench in the works for no reason. Makes sense, right? 🙄