Crypto news

According to sources who definitely weren’t eavesdropping at a hockey game, investigators seized servers in Beauharnois-a place so small even Google Maps shrugs when you ask for directions. RCMP Sgt. Mathieu Lagarde, who probably has a name tailor-made for dramatic press conferences, said: “The servers were in Canada. So we seized them. And the crypto. Because that’s how policing works.” Authorities added this is the first time a crypto exchange has been dismantled in Canada, proving that Mounties do more than just pose for postcards and occasionally arrest beavers.

Behold, the White House, with its bureaucratic fervor, urgently beckons fresh souls to claim the throne of the Commodity Futures Trading Commission. A throne, mind you, left vacant by the stalled coronation of Brian Quintenz, whose fate now hangs like a pendulum between hope and despair. The crypto realm, ever fickle, trembles in uncertainty. 🪨

In this relentless uproar, three warriors-BNB, Avantis (AVNT), and APX-have caught the feverish eye of Nigeria’s eager traders, who, like wolves chasing fleeting scents, sniff out their next chance for fortune.

Ethereum devs have finally spilled the tea: Fusaka is going live on the mainnet on December 3. 🗓️ After months of coding, testing, and probably a few all-nighters fueled by energy drinks, they’re ready to flip the switch. 🖥️☕

In a move that can only be described as a stroke of genius-or perhaps sheer audacity-YZi Labs (formerly known as Binance Labs, darling, keep up!) became one of the first investors in Ethena’s Season 6 Incubation Program back in February 2024. Oh, the irony! A stablecoin that doesn’t rely on banks? How positively revolutionary! Or, as Nicola Wang, Investment Director at YZi Labs, so eloquently put it: “We were impressed by Ethena’s team and their unique approach to stablecoin design – building a crypto-native model that generates yield without relying on banks.” Bravo, Nicola, bravo! 👏

The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC), that grand arbiter of financial fate, hath cleared a path for a flood of crypto exchange-traded products. Analysts, ever the dramatists, proclaim this could reshape the flow of money into digital assets. A watershed moment, they say! 🌊

Short-term, you’ve still got that jitterbug of volatility tap dancein’ around, but the herd’s feelin’ pretty chipper. Traders are smilin’ like they found a frog that talks, expectin’ a breakout that’ll send ol’ Bitcoin closer to touching them shiny all-time highs, like a kid eyein’ the last slice of pie at the county fair. 🍰

In this grand charade, the rollout introduces PYUSD0, a permissionless doppelgänger of its native kin, already prancing about on Ethereum, Solana, Stellar, and Arbitrum. Chains like Abstract, Aptos, Avalanche, Ink, Sei, Stable, and Tron now bask in the PYUSD glow, while Berachain and Flow upgrade to PYUSD0 without so much as a raised eyebrow. How convenient! 🌟

SMSFs, those quaint little vehicles of financial autonomy, allow Aussies to fiddle with their retirement savings like a child with a chemistry set. And fiddle they shall, with crypto now the latest ingredient in this volatile mix. As of 2025, SMSFs hold a modest 1.7 billion AUD in crypto – a sevenfold leap since 2021. Bravo, chaps, bravo! 🎉

Behold, Valour Digital Securities, a subsidiary of the enigmatic DeFi Technologies (DEFT), has birthed its bitcoin staking exchange-traded product (ETP) upon the hallowed grounds of the London Stock Exchange. A product, mind you, that has already been frolicking on Deutsche Börse’s Xetra platform since Nov. 5, 2024, like a precocious enfant terrible of the financial world. 🌍