Crypto news

In a move that screams “We care… about PR,” the exchange will hand out $300 million in token vouchers. Values range from $4 (“Congrats! Here’s a coffee and a hug” 🧋) to $6,000 (“Now you can rebuild your life… maybe”). Eligibility? You must’ve been liquidated between Oct. 10-11, 2025, lost at least $50, and had those losses eat up 30% of your net worth. Because nothing says “we’re in this together” like a math test before your participation trophy. 🎯🧮

On Thursday, October 9, China announced new rules requiring licenses to export products containing rare earth minerals. These materials are essential for making smartphones, electric vehicle batteries, and military equipment. 🌍⚙️

CoinShares’ report, delivered with the gravitas of a Victorian sermon, reveals that Bitcoin, Ethereum, and XRP attracted net inflows of $2.67 billion, $338 million, and $61.6 million respectively. This brought total year-to-date inflows to a princely sum of $48.7 billion. BTC alone siphoned $30.2 billion, ETH $13.9 billion, and XRP a modest $1.8 billion-enough to buy a small island, if one had the inclination.

Deep liquidity bids cluster around $105,000-$100,000, whispering of a melancholic stabilization. 📈

What to know, dear reader:

According to a tiny whisper in the noisy universe-ZeroHedge-the game had turned into a global contest of who could build the biggest, loudest, most energy-hungry robots, all while printing money faster than a gremlin on a sugar high. Gold, silver, and Bitcoin were the only safe havens from the chaos-kind of like treasure chests buried under mountains of financial fluff. And Musk, with his signature smirk, chimed in, pointing out that while governments could print fakesy fiat currency till the cows come home, no one can fake *energy*. No sir! That’s the real deal. If energy was a monster, Bitcoin’s proof of work was the tiny hero fighting it with tiny pickaxes. 🛠️⚡

The Stablecoin Stability Assessments (SSAs), launched on Base (Ethereum’s layer-2), promise to expand to other blockchains-provided the market demands it, or perhaps just because someone forgot to say “no.” As if on-chain ratings weren’t enough, they’ve added DataLink, Chainlink’s “institutional-grade” service, to rate stablecoins from 1 (very strong) to 5 (weak). A scale so profound, one might mistake it for a Russian nesting doll of despair.

Bitcoin is king. Or, as I like to call him, “the granddaddy of the blockchain crowd.” 🦁

In a post on X (formerly known as Twitter, but who’s keeping track? 🤷‍♂️), OpenSea dropped a bombshell: “Connect your EVM wallet by October 15 or miss out on the biggest rewards since sliced bread!” 🍞 Apparently, if you’re still logged in via Solana or Web2, you’re basically getting the NFT equivalent of a participation trophy. 🏆 And let’s face it, nobody wants that.

CryptoQuant’s sage, Ki Young Ju, unveiled a chart of the unrealized profit ratio, a map of despair for new Bitcoin ⛵️ whales, who’ve plunged into the abyss of losses. “Volatility is coming,” he proclaimed, as if reading tea leaves in a tavern. 🧙‍♂️