Crypto news

Bitcoin, darling, has taken a 1.42% nosedive since yesterday. 💸💔 Is it a dip or a disaster? Only time (and the whales) will tell.

Meanwhile, ETH is down over 1%, trading around $3,168. The world’s second-largest cryptocurrency had fallen to an intraday low of $3,022 before rebounding. Ripple (XRP) is marginally up over the past 24 hours, while Solana (SOL) is down 1% at $139. Dogecoin (DOGE) is down 1.40% and Cardano (ADA) is down over 2%, trading around $0.161. Chainlink (LINK) is down nearly 6% at $13.94, while Stellar (XLM) is down 1.39% at $0.257. Hedera (HBAR), Litecoin (LTC), Polkadot (DOT), and Toncoin (TON) have also registered substantial declines over the past 24 hours. 🎩

Crypto exchange-traded products (ETPs) managed to lose $2 billion last week, a nice little jump of 71% from the $1.17 billion the previous week. CoinShares spilled the beans on Monday. Three weeks of this delightful streak, folks, bringing the grand total of outflows to $3.2 billion. At this rate, ETPs might start paying people to hold their crypto. 🙄

Perpetual futures are like a never-ending party where you can bet on the price of Bitcoin or Ethereum without worrying about the clock ticking. 🕒🔥

So, the African Continental Free Trade Area (AfCFTA) and IOTA are like, “Let’s fix trade with stablecoins.” Because nothing says innovation like replacing paper with pixels. 🖨️➡️🖥️

In a plot twist worthy of a daytime soap, Colin dropped an X post (formerly known as Twitter, because why not add more confusion?) declaring the death cross just hit Bitcoin’s lower megaphone boundary. 🗣️✨ Apparently, this is a bullish setup, because in crypto, bad news is just good news in disguise. 🤡 Colin’s like, “This is probably the bottom, guys!” while the rest of us are like, “Or is it just the beginning of a very long nap? 😴”

Here’s a hot take with some harsh truth in it: The crypto space isn’t going to grow and thrive if every time someone posts something new and interesting, the first response is just an avalanche of toxicity, negativity, cynicism, and the usual “I told you so” crowd.

And right bang in the middle of this farce, our favorite digital ghost, Bitcoin, sits magnificent at $94,000, as if to say, “Is that all you got, Washington? Try harder, cortege of clowns.” 🎭

And if Bitcoin truly were a safe-haven asset akin to gold-nay, its cybernetic twin-one would expect them to waltz in harmony through the stormy nights of market turmoil. But alas! Since the fateful October 10 massacre-when the markets convulsed and over $19 billion in leveraged dreams went up in digital smoke-this sacred bond has shattered like a poorly coded smart contract.

“Behold the eternal cycle!” he cackled, waving a chart of Bitcoin’s mood swings like a mad conductor. 🎼📉 “Up they go, down they plunge, and lo! The sheeple panic-sell! How delightfully predictable!” He dismissed fiat as the currency of “a bankrupt circus run by clowns in pinstripes” 🤡🎪, adding that fleeing to dollars is like trading your soul for a used car. 🚗💨