So, Caroline Ellison, formerly of Alameda Research fame, is getting ready for her big day out on January 21, 2026. Federal records confirm this latest scoop as we wrap up 2025. And guess what? That’s four weeks early! Is it just me, or does that sound like a last-minute Christmas miracle? 🎄
According to a report – for we must always have a report to justify such matters – from The Coin Republic, Florida’s fund has increased its stake. It is a curious trend, this, the alluring of institutional money towards something so… ephemeral.
Now, before your imagination runs wild with Bitcoin’s unbridled popularity and price swings, let’s recall its real purpose. Dalio spoke with the air of a seasoned philosopher pondering whether this digital curiosity could stand as a stable reserve asset, a tenet of central bank tranquility. Alas, it seems not!
And lo! As if on cue, Bitcoin decided to throw a festive tantrum on Dec. 25-because nothing says “Happy Holidays” like watching your portfolio swing between $90,599 and $86,412 before settling at $87,784 like a deflated balloon. 🎈 Down 1%? More like down bad.
The illustrious Mr. Hoskinson, with the solemnity of a man who has seen the future, opined that such calamities are less likely to plague “architectures inherently more resilient to errors.” A sentiment as profound as it is obvious, one might add. 🤷♂️
Yet, a most curious signal has emerged from gold, whose recent vigor may yet position Bitcoin for a renewed ascent, should historical correlations persist-though one must ever be wary of such fickle alliances.
In a recent proclamation, our noble ex-CEO passionately argued that these dastardly attacks are but mere trifles, easily vanquished with splendid wallet-level fortifications! Oh, the audacity of it all! 🏰
Bitcoin’s looking a bit…beige, shall we say? Stuck in a trading range while gold’s off galavanting to new highs. Traders are doing that thing where they disappear for mince pies and family arguments. This means liquidity is down, which is just perfect for some, shall we say, “interesting” price action. 😬
While some analysts cling to the quaint notion that this dwindling engagement heralds the classic signal of a market nadir, others posit that we are witnessing a far more profound cultural metamorphosis. It seems our dear investors have collectively decided to take their fancy elsewhere-who can blame them?
Behold, the United States, our dear, myopic cousin in this tale, squandered $990 million-primarily by wriggling out of Ethereum and Bitcoin-while Canadian and German investors, like cunning sycophants, coughed up $61.8 million to buoy the spirit of crypto. Canada, bless its tiny-hearted way, offered a mere $15.6 million, but Germany, that resourceful Volk, added $46.2 million-enough to impress precisely no one, of course.
