Crypto news

Our dear friends at StrategicETHReserve offer figures so dazzling, they could cause a minor swoon in the average financier: these holdings represent about 3.39% of the total circulating Ethereum supply, boldly announcing ETH’s latest audition as a long-term store of value alongside Bitcoin. Because nothing says “stability” like a digital asset that could vanish faster than a monocle at a boxing match. 🎩🔍

Shiba Inu, the canine coin with more drama than my last break-up, has enthusiastically followed the crypto crowd off the correction cliff-down by 9% this past week. Market cap is currently lurking around $7.3 billion-a tragic figure compared to last December’s flirtation with $20 billion (those were the good old days, eh?).

SEC Chair Paul Atkins (not exactly a household name unless you live for blockchain court dramas) has made it clear that fewer tokens will be called securities, which is basically the financial equivalent of telling your ex, “It’s not you, it’s… the SEC.” Cheers erupted because this could mean that Ripple’s epic lawsuit saga is finally wrapping up like a TV series everyone actually wants to watch.

This little mUSD is the brainchild of Bridge, a Stripe-owned stablecoin platform, and it’s living its best life on-chain thanks to M0, a decentralized infrastructure that’s basically the cool kid in the stablecoin liquidity playground. 🎢

Picture this: Ammous throws down the contrast-Bitcoin versus fiat-because what’s a good Argentine meltdown without a heroic duel? He claims Milei’s government promised to shut down the central bank but instead decided to throw gasoline on the fire by expanding their money supply and taxing everyone within reach while dramatically begging the IMF for a lifeline. If Bitcoin had a motto, it would be “Stop creating money”-a straightforward command that Argentine officials seem to have misunderstood as a suggestion. According to Ammous, after two years in office, Milei could’ve simply turned off the printing presses and cured inflation faster than you can say “hyperinflation.” But no, instead, they keep creating funny money, and somehow that’s supposed to look good?

/ 21M

We’re told that the madcap frenzy includes a spike in questions at wealth management firms, a rush of trading volume like a caffeine-fueled squirrel on a sugar high, and a dazzling demand for crypto funds that has some analysts wondering if the parties will ever end. Because if there’s one thing smart money loves, it’s jumping on bandwagons that are totally unsupervised and possibly haunted.

These sanctions, one must note, were not indiscriminate, but rather targeted with the precision of a gentleman’s duel, against eight individuals and entities, amongst which were a firm hailing from the grand duchy of Luxembourg, and four establishments from the distant lands of Kyrgyzstan, notably Grinex LLC and Old Vector LLC, both of which are alleged to have connections to the mysterious A7A5, a ruble-pegged stablecoin that has been circulating with the velocity of a scandalous rumor, to the tune of £9.3 billion in the past four months alone.

Let’s peer into the murky depths of how these tricks-and a fair share of smoke and mirrors-are molding Tron’s chaotic rise.

The United States, ever anxious to provide frameworks in triplicate, appears to be setting the stage, whilst global adoption hustles along, with all the grace of a butler running late to dinner. Kumar assures us that the present momentum cannot possibly falter-unless it does, in which case forget he said anything. 🕺