Crypto news

Ah, the ever-astute Itaú, Brazil’s largest private bank, has deigned to advise investors to allocate a mere 1%-3% of their portfolios to Bitcoin in 2026. How daringly prudent! One might think they are hedging against currency fluctuations, but really, it’s just another way to ensure that the wealthy remain even wealthier while the rest of us are left to ponder the mysteries of blockchain. 🧠💸

By the midpoint of December 2025, the U.S. cryptocurrency ETFs, those weary travelers, began to whisper of a possible return from the dead. Inflows for both Bitcoin and Ethereum ETFs, like faint whispers in a haunted house, turned positive on one-month time frames. 🐍

So, TRM Labs-the Sherlock Holmes of blockchain-just dropped a report on Venezuela’s crypto scene, and guess what? It’s a mix of ingenuity, desperation, and a dash of “what sanctions?” 🕵️♂️🔍

Sure, it’s “efficient,” they say. Efficient like a horse with one leg-gets you somewhere, eventually, unless it collapses mid-gallop. This concentration of liquidity, dear comrades, isn’t just risky; it’s a revolution waiting to eat its own children. 👶💥 When volatility strikes-and it will, like a jealous ex-it won’t ripple. It’ll tsunami. And who will be left holding the bag? Not CZ. Probably already on a yacht. 🛥️😎

Oh, how Itaú’s sage, Renato Eid, artfully distinguishes Bitcoin from traditional stock and bond-those compliant performers of the financial theatre. With its global and decentralized allure, Bitcoin dances to the rhythms of worlds beyond the grasp of mere earthly bonds, especially in moments fraught with economic tremors or geopolitical quakes. Volatility remains its consistent aria, yet Itaú, in all its seasoned wisdom, maintains that Bitcoin might just be the ever-elusive supporting actor to value that saves the day when others falter.

A new report from CryptoQuant, like a weathered prophet, declares that a historic signal-Ethereum’s realized price for whales holding 100,000 ETH-has risen again. This metric, a ledger of the giants’ investments, has been tested only a few times in five years. 📊🐋

The chaps with the charts, those modern-day augurs, are fixated on $1.512 and $1.694. These, apparently, are thresholds of great import. One assumes their significance rests upon a foundation of impeccable logic and not merely the desperate need to appear prescient.

And lo, the on-chain data across exchanges sings a melody of optimism, while traditional markets give Ethereum a loving nod. Could this be the moment when ETH finally takes off into the stratosphere? Only time will tell, but the signs are… interesting.