Crypto news

A/D divergence is whispering threats of $3.5 support – as if that’s a surprise. Meanwhile, whale appetites are pushing toward $5.6. Who needs stability anyway?

Now, let’s be clear: Bitcoin is the undisputed champion of cryptocurrency. It’s like the old-money aristocrat of the crypto world – revered, but a bit, well, old-fashioned. It’s slow, lacks the ability to run smart contracts, and heaven forbid you try scaling it. These are the fundamental annoyances that Bitcoiners, bless their hearts, have had to endure. Enter Bitcoin Hyper, the supposed savior, or as it’s known in some circles: Bitcoin, but faster. A Layer-2 solution that doesn’t make you feel like you’ve been transported back to the stone age while trying to move your money.

Nasdaq, that paragon of reliability, officially notified the SEC that it’s received the Form 8-A filing for Canary Capital’s XRP ETF. Because nothing says “we’re serious” like a 500-page legal document and a side of existential dread. 📄

Fox’s Eleanor Terrett live-tweeted the drama like it was the season finale of Succession. Highlights include the SEC’s new life motto: “Let innovation bloom, but also let’s not get scammed.” 🌱💼

In a blog post that could only be described as “exciting if you’re into financial jargon,” Coinbase announced the rollout of “Coinbase Business” in Singapore. This isn’t just any old platform-it’s an “all-in-one financial platform” aimed at startups and small businesses. Because, you know, traditional finance is about as efficient as a sieve in a rainstorm. 🌧️

Ah, the creators, freelancers, and those marketplace adventurers across the globe-beneficiaries of swifter, borderless, and more steadfast payments, especially in lands where banking is, shall we say, less reliable. How delightful, eh?

Dogecoin, the memecoin with more lives than a Discworld cat, is quietly hoarding gains like a squirrel with a nut obsession. According to the wizards at CoinMarketCap, it’s up 7.7 percent, trading at a modest $0.176, with a market cap of 26.7 billion clams. 🤑 That’s right, folks, the Doge is back, and it’s got its nose to the ground, sniffing out another surge.

It’s “active and pre-launch,” which is just corporate speak for “we’re hoping the SEC doesn’t laugh in our faces.” Like, you file the paperwork, and then you just… wait? For the government? This is gonna take a while. A long while.

Theoretically yes, if ETF inflows decide to throw a comeback party. But most traders are bracing themselves for a plunge, hoping it doesn’t slip below $96K, or worse, into the abyss! 🚀💥

According to the wise folks in suits and charts, this quick transaction was carried out by the Central Bank of the UAE in cahoots with the Ministry of Finance and Dubai’s own Department of Finance. Looks like the big shots are having fun playing with their new toy-mBridge platform, a fancy system meant to make the central banks dance in harmony across borders, sort of like a financial ballet. Only a select few-federal and Dubai entities-were invited to the party-no banks or regular folks, mind you! 🎉