Bitcoin’s Midnight Gambit: ETFs Strike at the SEC! 🌙💸

On Tuesday, Nicholas Wealth, LLC, in partnership with Tidal Investments LLC, filed two bitcoin-linked ETFs with the SEC – a pair of products that combine quant-heavy engineering with the unmistakable energy of “crypto meets late-night television.” One fund plays bitcoin’s after-hours tendencies like a nocturnal DJ set, while the other is designed to dampen the blow when bitcoin’s volatility decides to reenact a roller coaster. 🎢

🤥 Arkham’s Zcash Blunder: Privacy Warriors Strike Back! 🛡️

In their original thread (posted on Dec. 8, because why not stir the pot before the holidays? 🎄), Arkham claimed to have “deanonymized” Zcash, with a thumbnail screaming “Zcash deanonymization” in letters so big you’d think they’d discovered the Holy Grail. 🏆 The crypto world, being the drama-loving bunch it is, ate it up faster than a goblin with a gold coin. Media outlets and journalists (including the ever-reliable Colin Wu) amplified the message, because who doesn’t love a good scandal? 📰

XRP’s $2.50 Dream: A Rollercoaster Ride or a Crypto Tragedy? 🎢💸

Ali Martinez, the crypto equivalent of a fortune teller with a spreadsheet, claims XRP might bounce back to $2.50 by December. Because nothing says “hope” like a graph that looks like a drunk seagull’s flight path. 🐦✈️ But here’s the catch: it has to survive the $1.94 level. Because apparently, numbers have feelings now. 💔

Crypto Goes Mainstream: Bitwise Index Fund Moves to NYSE Arca

Starting Tuesday, the BITW will be officially “uplisted” (sounds fancy, right?) to NYSE Arca – one of the New York Stock Exchange’s shiny, electronic markets designed for exchange-traded products. This is like the crypto equivalent of being invited to the grown-up table. The fund will now trade as an exchange-traded product (ETP), in case you were wondering what that means. Don’t worry, we’re not all supposed to understand this lingo, just nod and smile.