Crypto news

With 59.1% dominance, BTC hoards liquidity like a squirrel with existential dread, anchoring the crypto ship while others flounder. Admirable. Or pathetic.

Market analysts are saying XRP’s long-term structure is screaming “bearish phase,” like Larry screams at a barista who gets his coffee order wrong. According to TradingShot’s analysis, XRP’s price structure is breaking down after five years of pretending everything was fine. 🧐📊

Fidelity’s FBTC led the exodus with $256.66 million in outflows-enough to buy a small island and name it after your ex. ARKB wasn’t far behind at $144.24 million, and BlackRock’s IBIT contributed $131.43 million, because nothing says “trust” like letting $130 million walk out the door mid-sentence. 🚪

Older Bitcoin whales, those grumpy, treasure-hoarding titans, have decided to liquidate their stashes like it’s a particularly unpopular birthday party. 🎉

According to the bill, signed by you-know-who back in July, stablecoin issuers can’t pay interest or yield to holders. But Coinbase is like, “Wait, we’re not the issuers, so we’re good, right?” 🤑 Classic loophole hunting. Love it or hate it, it’s peak Larry David energy.

According to Arkham, SharpLink had redeemed 5,284 ETH, which, at today’s price, is a hefty $17.5 million. Not satisfied with merely hoarding it like a digital dragon, SharpLink allegedly deposited 4,364 ETH (around $14.47 million) onto OKX. The plot thickens: 920 ETH were seemingly “held back” when this deposit was made. Ooh, suspense! What happened to that Ethereum? The mystery deepens…

Data from Santiment, that paragon of financial wisdom, revealed that several mid-cap tokens, including Filecoin, DASH, Internet Computer Protocol, and Zcash, outpaced the market with the zeal of a caffeinated squirrel. Their rally underscored how traders, ever the trendsetters, have shifted toward narratives with clearer fundamental catalysts-though one might argue that “fundamental” in this context is a generous term. Bitcoin, meanwhile, remained locked in a narrow range, as if it had been sedated by a particularly zealous financial advisor.

Ah, the 8(a) filing-a mechanism so elegant in its simplicity that even Kafka might weep. 21Shares has tossed this regulatory breadcrumb before the SEC’s pigeons, who now have precisely 20 days to peck at it or let it flutter into the ETF approval bin. The ticker? TOXR, because nothing says “trustworthy investment” like a symbol one letter away from “toxic.”

“Lo, we shall chart this asterisk upon our roadmap!” proclaimed Coinbase Markets, their tweet echoing through the void like a bard’s lament. 📢 Yet, dear reader, let it be known: a roadmap is but a promise whispered to the wind, not a bridge built nor a coin minted.

The “crypto community,” a collection of individuals often convinced of imminent fortunes or apocalyptic collapses, is, predictably, agog. What mysteries drive this sudden resurgence? Where will this bizarre caravan of digital tokens wander next? One shudders to think.