Crypto news

Ah, but one must not merely purchase and hoard these ephemeral tokens as if they were to be displayed in the parlors of idle aristocrats! Nay, the sagacious ones employ a plethora of strategies, striving resolutely for the accumulation of tokens over time-a performance that could make even Raskolnikov reconsider the nature of profit and suffering. It is whispered in their blockchain missive that such tactics may yield greater bounties than the laborious engagement typical of a mundane crypto exchange-traded fund (ETF). Who knew finance could resemble such a convoluted existential crisis?

With that, the ADA and HBAR have officially become “statutory trusts” in Delaware, a place that loves formalities more than anything else. And guess who’s playing the role of the trusted agent? None other than the CSC Delaware Trust Company, based in the sunny town of Wilmington. Grayscale’s big plan? Expand its crypto empire beyond just Bitcoin and Ethereum. How daring!

Meanwhile in Alt-Circus-grad, the provincial tokens cartwheeled in triple-digit leotards. OKB, drunk on its own press release, somersaulted 130 % and pinned itself to the tent ceiling at an all-time altitude above $135. Citizens applauded, the ringmaster counted tips, some spectators caught coins in teeth like hungry gulls. 🪙🪙🪙

According to Cramer, BTC and ETH are the financial equivalents of cockroaches and Kardashians: indestructible and everywhere, even when common sense suggests otherwise. He marveled at their zombie-like refusal to keel over despite sky-high interest rates, runaway deficits, and a political class that treats long-term planning like an optional side quest 🎮.

Chain insiders-those mysterious entities who seem to hold more secrets than the British Museum-have revealed that the buy-side pressure is, shall we say, strengthening. The rally could stretch even further, as long as the wind stubbornly blows in the right direction.

As per the ever-diligent CoinGecko, Ethereum’s (ETH) market dominance has risen to 20.8%, up from 17.5% in May. It’s a beautiful sight, isn’t it? The rotation of capital from Bitcoin (BTC) to altcoins-an unmistakable hallmark of altseason-is already underway, and it’s moving faster than in previous cycles. Who would’ve thought? 😏

Sergei Potapenko and Ivan Turõgin, those cunning conductors of the HashFlare symphony of swindle, emerged from the halls of a Seattle courtroom unscathed by further incarceration. Sixteen moons spent in captivity-both in the cobblestone prisons of Estonia and the sterile confines of American detention-were deemed sufficient, practically generous, by the honorable Judge Robert S. Lasnik.

As per the discerning eyes of on-chain sleuths, the Ethereum Foundation has been making moves as lively as an uncle at a wedding over the last day. It all began with the sale of 1,695 ETH, as spotlighted by the clairvoyant seers at Lookonchain on August 13.

Yashasedu, the crypto oracle, declares that if Bitcoin (oh, that tempestuous darling) reaches $150,000-a mere 25% leap from its current $119,335-Ether could soar to $8,656. Assuming, of course, it maintains its 35% market cap pas de deux. And if it falters? Well, darling, we’re looking at a modest $5,376 to $7,420. How quaint! 🌟

Their argument, as I understand it (and honestly, sometimes I don’t), is that if stablecoins start offering a decent return, everyone will pull their money out of actual banks. Six point six *trillion* dollars, they say. Which, statistically speaking, is a lot of money. Like, enough to buy a small country or several very nice yachts. They’re picturing a desolate landscape of empty bank lobbies and weeping tellers, I presume. 😭