Tucker Carlson Claims CIA Created Bitcoin – Is He Crazy? 🤯

Carlson, ever the voice of reason, declared that digital currencies are “totalitarian control.” A bold statement, sure, but let’s not forget that the CIA has been busy doing actual things like overthrowing governments and pretending they don’t exist. Yet here we are, blaming Bitcoin for the end of freedom. 🤡

Trump Pardons Binance Boss: Crypto’s Cosmic Twist!

US President Donald Trump pardoned convicted Binance founder Changpeng “CZ” Zhao. The Wall Street Journal reported this development on Thursday. This move comes after months of furious lobbying and pleas. Petitions were made by the company and the former CEO. The pardon shows forgiveness to one of the most influential figures in the global crypto industry. 🤖🌌

XRP Sees Explosive Futures Activity on CME, Price Rally Next?

On Thursday, the 23rd of October, the exchange, ever so eager to share its triumphs, took to X (formerly known as Twitter-because who could resist a name change?) to announce the notable milestones achieved since their introduction of XRP futures, just a mere five months ago. And my word, what a success they have been! One might say it is almost as though the markets have awakened from a slumber to demand more of these enticing XRP futures. How curious.

🚀 WazirX Rises from the Ashes: Crypto Phoenix or Just a Fancy Pigeon? 🪙

The $230 million security breach (which, let’s be honest, is enough to make even the most stoic CFO weep into their spreadsheet) effectively turned India’s oldest crypto exchange into a digital ghost town. 👻 But fear not, dear traders, for the phoenix has risen from the ashes, or at least, it’s trying to. WazirX co-founder Nischal Shetty (who probably hasn’t slept in 16 months) confirmed that trading will resume on October 24. Tokens will be enabled over four days, because even crypto needs a warm-up before the marathon. 🏃♂️ By October 27, it’ll be business as usual-or as usual as crypto ever gets. Shetty, in a post on X (formerly known as Twitter, because why not add more confusion?), said: