Crypto news

On the fateful morn of Aug. 12, 2025, at the ungodly hour of 6 a.m. Eastern time, the Slowmist security team proclaimed that the Monero (XMR) network had been besieged by a 51% attack, resulting in an alleged six-block chain reorganization. Slowmist, in a fit of dramatic flair, noted that, according to a now-deleted X post and “provided blockchain reorganization charts,” Monero had recently experienced a six-block chain reorganization mined by an unknown pool. How mysterious! 🕵️‍♂️

Circle’s USDC stablecoin is no slouch-it’s currently the second-largest fiat-backed crypto asset, sitting pretty with a market cap of $65.23 billion. In case you missed it, Circle just dropped its Q2 earnings report and guess what? USDC grew 90% year-over-year. That’s right, it’s now at $61.3 billion. But wait, there’s more! As of August 10, 2025, that number’s already up to $65.2 billion. 💰📈

Shelter costs crept up a sly 0.2%, playing the starring role in our economic opera (“The Rent Is Too Damn High” appears in endless reruns). As for food, the universe demanded balance: you pay 0.3% more for your pizza in the wild, but grocery prices slink down by 0.1%. Only the bravest snails would bother to notice. 🍕🐌

Bailey, a man who tweets like he’s selling snake oil and salvation in equal measures, hushed his X followers with a wink and a promise: every satoshi of this whale-sized gulp will be filmed-“for posterity, or at least the memes,” he said, hand covering half a grin. When the clip drops, expect the background to be somewhere between gospel choir and NASCAR pit stop, because nothing says “sound money” like revving engines and hallelujah hands. 🙌🔧

In a filing last Thursday with the Second Circuit Appeals Court, both parties agreed to drop their legal appeals, pay their own bills (yeah, that’s right, no free lunches here), and move on. What a twist! 💼✌️

Let’s unravel this mystery before the universe forgets it’s supposed to make sense.

Meanwhile, Ethereum, that steadfast companion, clings to its lofty perch at around $4,300, while the other altcoins, bless their hearts, have taken a nosedive that would make even the most seasoned skydiver blush. Double digits, my friends! It’s like watching a circus act gone horribly wrong.

Now, let’s talk numbers, shall we? They bought these shiny digital coins at an average price of £89,000 each (that’s about $119,412 for those who prefer their currency in a more American flavor), which totals a staggering £26,255,143. Yes, you read that right. With this latest acquisition, their total bitcoin stash has ballooned to 2,395 BTC, which is a number that sounds impressive until you realize it’s just a lot of zeros strung together. The overall average purchase price? A mere £82,399 per bitcoin (or around $110,555), leading to a total investment that would make even Scrooge McDuck raise an eyebrow: £197,346,551.

Enter VirtualBacon (yes, that’s his name, and no, he’s not a side dish), who’s predicting ETH could retest its $4,850 all-time high before aiming for $6K-$7K by year-end. 🎯 But only if Bitcoin behaves and hits $150K, and ETH/BTC gets cozy at 0.044. His conservative target? A mere $6,600. Yawn. 😴