Crypto news

Van de Poppe insists there’s plenty of room for altcoins to thrive and embarrass anyone who sold at a loss in April. A lot of these coins, he says, haven’t even made it back to the overcooked levels they achieved in early 2025, which probably coincided with my ill-advised decision to buy coffee futures. Instead of sounding an alarm, he sees this lag as the kind of bargain opportunity that makes traders giddy and their spouses nervous.

Paperwork-lovers, rejoice! Last Thursday, industry insiders gathered to dissect the great crypto legislation saga. It’s the sequel to the GENIUS Act, which was so genius only in its ability to confuse, and now the spotlight’s on the grand “market structure” bill. House Republicans recently waved through the Digital Asset Market Clarity (CLARITY) Act of 2025-just in case you thought regulation could be as straightforward as your grandma’s brownie recipe. Its mission? Craft a cozy regulatory blanket for crypto, boost startup growth, and somehow protect the poor investors from losing their lunch money.

Their Q3 revenue hit $198.6 million, a 91% jump from the previous year’s $104 million. Analysts were so confident they’d hit $195 million, they probably had a little dance party in their office. 🎉

This rise, my friends, was no accident. Nay, it was orchestrated by block trades so large they whispered sweet nothings to the market without alarming it. These transactions occurred over-the-counter, far from prying eyes, ensuring minimal disruption-a true masquerade ball for finance! 🎭

In what can only be described as the world’s least fun game show, India’s Minister of State for Finance recently confirmed the CBDT’s new hobby: reassessment notices! Surveys! Search-and-seizure operations! Who needs “Wheel of Fortune” when you have Section 1961 of the Income Tax Act? 🎰

Solana [SOL], much like a determined peasant forging his fate, has rebounded from the hallowed intersection of an ascending trend-line (blessed be its slope) and the Golden Fibonacci retracement (0.618-0.7, because numbers are mystical).

In a tête-à-tête with the Bankless podcast-released on a Thursday, no less, when one is simply too exhausted from the week’s antics to be truly shocked-Buterin cooed that the proliferation of public companies clutching Ether (ETH) like a debutante at her first ball is, indeed, a splendid affair. “There’s definitely valuable services being provided there,” he purred, as if sipping a martini at the Ritz. He added, with a wink, that these firms offer “more options,” particularly for those with “different financial circumstances.” How très chic! 💼✨

The godfather of retirement law, ERISA, gets a little tweak – now the rule book’s got more pages, because apparently, boring stocks and bonds are just too last century. The Labor Department is on the case, trying to figure out if Joe can finally put his Bitcoin gains into his retirement. I mean, why not? What’s the worst that could happen? 😂

Meanwhile, the big players are circle jerking around ETH, not just Bitcoin’s sidekick anymore.

XRP surged 9% on the news, proving the market’s enthusiasm for legal theatrics can rival even the most compelling reality TV. Source: XRP Liquid Index