Crypto news

As of Wednesday, 97% of Bitcoin (BTC) supply is in profit, the scribes of onchain lore-Glassnode-tell us with careful gravity.

The aim is to replace carefree enforcement with a defined regulatory ballet, a true beacon of clarity for those venturing in erstwhile shadows.

Yes, yes, Robert Kiyosaki, the ever-dramatic author of “Rich Dad Poor Dad” (which, let’s be honest, we all pretend to read but never quite get around to finishing), is once again out in the wild warning us about the imminent demise of the U.S. dollar. His book has been flying off shelves for years, and apparently, so has his “Doomsday Prepper” toolkit of gold, silver, and crypto.

According to Ethena’s X post on a Wednesday that smelled of ink and coffee, the partnership aims to flood liquidity, fatten yields, and stiffen the joints of decentralized finance (DeFi) within Jupiter’s suite of products on Solana. The whole affair is marketed as a strategic move to reduce reliance on foreign stablecoins and to prove that homegrown paper money can stand in a row with the embassy money.

On a Tuesday that could only be described as mildly farcical, our esteemed lawmakers voted 51 to 47 to welcome McKernan into the fold, serving under the ever-so-charming Secretary Scott Bessent. And while the government has been in a state of utter disarray since September 30, Congress, my dears, marches on with the grace of a tipsy ballerina. 🩰

The Pipe Network team took to X (formerly known as Twitter, because, why not?) to announce the milestone, claiming that PIPE is “earned through real proof-of-work contributions.” The network promises to power decentralized cloud services, covering modules like CDN, Firestarter Storage, and the mysterious “P1” feature still in the pipeline.

The U.S. state of North Dakota is prancing into the stablecoin jamboree, with the Bank of North Dakota teaming up with payments wizard Fiserv (FI) to launch a U.S. dollar-backed token aimed at financial institutions across the state.

Every day, billions of dollars waltz across blockchains via stablecoins. The ringmasters? USDT ($175B, the lion 🐅) and USDC ($75B, the tamer). But beware! A new breed of entrants is creeping into the tent, expanding this financial freak show. Stablecoins are no longer the clown car of crypto-they’re the main event, the greatest financial innovation since electronic payments decided to stop using carrier pigeons. 🐦

Stateless validation, they say, will lower the cost of running nodes. A noble goal, indeed. Startups and financial institutions, hand in hand, marching toward a future where payment solutions are as cheap as borscht in a village tavern. 🥣 But forgive my skepticism-has not every revolution promised the same? Lightweight nodes, dramatic cuts in hardware requirements. Yet, the weight of expectation always seems to grow heavier. 🤷‍♂️

During its latest shenanigans, XLM took a nosedive to $0.38, only to spring back to $0.39 faster than a child grabbing the last cookie. 🍪💨 This little rebounder is showing some serious gumption, hinting at a market that’s as bullish as a bull in a china shop. 🐂🍵