Do Kwon, the genius behind Terraform Labs (I say genius loosely), is ready to admit to two lovely criminal charges: conspiracy to defraud and wire fraud-because why settle for one? This whole thing started in 2022, when his terrausd (UST) and luna (LUNA) cryptocurrencies crashed and sent $40 billion on a one-way trip outta here. Let’s be honest, I’ve lost my wallet before, but $40 billion? That’s next level.
Yes, you read that right. MicroStrategy has bought another 155 Bitcoin for about $18 million. This little splurge marks the five-year anniversary of their Bitcoin investment strategy, which has now crowned them as the biggest publicly traded corporate holder of Bitcoin. Move over, Elon!
Arc, an EVM-compatible wonder, is designed with the precision of a Swiss watchmaker, tailored to facilitate stablecoin payments, foreign exchange (FX), and capital market escapades. Picture it as the sturdy foundation of a digital coliseum, offering sub-second settlements, opt-in privacy, and a native stablecoin FX engine, all while ensuring seamless access to the Circle platform. It’s like a digital Swiss Army knife, but for finance!
On the fateful morn of Aug. 12, 2025, at the ungodly hour of 6 a.m. Eastern time, the Slowmist security team proclaimed that the Monero (XMR) network had been besieged by a 51% attack, resulting in an alleged six-block chain reorganization. Slowmist, in a fit of dramatic flair, noted that, according to a now-deleted X post and “provided blockchain reorganization charts,” Monero had recently experienced a six-block chain reorganization mined by an unknown pool. How mysterious! 🕵️♂️
Circle’s USDC stablecoin is no slouch-it’s currently the second-largest fiat-backed crypto asset, sitting pretty with a market cap of $65.23 billion. In case you missed it, Circle just dropped its Q2 earnings report and guess what? USDC grew 90% year-over-year. That’s right, it’s now at $61.3 billion. But wait, there’s more! As of August 10, 2025, that number’s already up to $65.2 billion. 💰📈
Shelter costs crept up a sly 0.2%, playing the starring role in our economic opera (“The Rent Is Too Damn High” appears in endless reruns). As for food, the universe demanded balance: you pay 0.3% more for your pizza in the wild, but grocery prices slink down by 0.1%. Only the bravest snails would bother to notice. 🍕🐌
Bailey, a man who tweets like he’s selling snake oil and salvation in equal measures, hushed his X followers with a wink and a promise: every satoshi of this whale-sized gulp will be filmed-“for posterity, or at least the memes,” he said, hand covering half a grin. When the clip drops, expect the background to be somewhere between gospel choir and NASCAR pit stop, because nothing says “sound money” like revving engines and hallelujah hands. 🙌🔧
In a filing last Thursday with the Second Circuit Appeals Court, both parties agreed to drop their legal appeals, pay their own bills (yeah, that’s right, no free lunches here), and move on. What a twist! 💼✌️
Let’s unravel this mystery before the universe forgets it’s supposed to make sense.
