Crypto news

On a Monday as gray as a banker’s soul, Osborne, now a sage on Coinbase’s advisory council, took aim at Chancellor Rachel Reeves and Bank of England governor Andrew Bailey. In a piece for the Financial Times, he reminisced about the days when Britain dared to dream big. “If crypto is happening, then we want it to happen here,” they once declared. But now? Now they’re about as cutting-edge as a quill pen in a digital age. 🖋️➡️💻

Now, McGlone reckons Bitcoin losin’ its trademark roller-coaster thrill ain’t much of a welcome mat for gamblers hopin’ it’ll outpace the market. “Without its bone-rattlin’ volatility,” says he, “Bitcoin might just be another shiny rock in the pile.” And if gold keeps its steady gait, well, Bitcoin might find itself eatin’ dust. 🏇💨

On August 4th, Binance decided the world needed another wallet-but this one’s got a twist! 🌀 Meet the Binance Wallet (Web), a desktop-native, self-custody platform that’s basically the Marie Kondo of crypto trading: it sparks joy by decluttering your life of unnecessary confirmations. Designed for traders who live and die by their browsers, it comes with a nifty feature called Secure Auto Sign (SAS), which is like autocorrect but for your transactions. Except it doesn’t accidentally send your life savings to a meme account. Probably.

And let us not forget the sage guidance of President Donald Trump, who, in a moment of clarity between tweets, directed all agencies to craft crypto regulations as if Congress were the Oracle of Delphi. Pham, ever the dutiful acolyte, assures us that the CFTC’s initiative will embody the President’s Working Group on Digital Asset Markets report-a document so fresh, it still smells of ink and ambition. 📜

So, former UK Chancellor George Osborne (yeah, the guy who’s now BFFs with Coinbase 💰) is waving his arms like a maniac, shouting, “We’re falling behind, people!” He’s comparing this crypto moment to the 1980s Big Bang reforms, which, let’s be real, were basically the financial equivalent of a glitter bomb. ✨ Now, he’s like, “Crypto is the new glitter bomb, and we’re over here with a glue stick while the US, EU, and Asia are already making glitter masterpieces.” 🌟

This bold proposal promises that broker-dealers can finally juggle both traditional and crypto products under one massive, possibly glitter-encrusted license—bringing all the fun of spreadsheets to the blockchain party. Meanwhile, decentralized finance platforms, normally relegated to uncharted corners of the internet, may one day wear the badge of regulatory respectability, or at least have their paperwork in triplicate.

At the heart of the matter lies a triple-layered shield—one that would make even the most seasoned gentleman or lady tremble. First, transparent policies ensure that only the most worthy and thoroughly vetted coin issuers are allowed a dance on the regulatory floor. Second, an impressive array of institutional controls guarantees that the high gentlemen and ladies in charge are held accountable—because who doesn’t love a little oversight with their afternoon tea? Third, the charming wizards of technology continuously scrutinize transactions, so no illicit transference escapes their watchful gaze. ✨🔍

Law 20,345. Sound fancy? It takes effect late 2024 and officially says, “Hey, virtual assets are real and legit.” The Central Bank now calls the shots for VASPs—Virtual Asset Service Providers—because apparently, crypto needs a coach. So, you can sleep without worries—you’re not gonna wake up to a crypto Wild West anymore. 🛑

Since the dawn of 2025, a staggering 215,000 BTC—worth over $24.7 billion—have been stirred from their long slumber. These erstwhile “sleeping giants” seem to have been roused by some compelling urge to re-engage in the crypto circus, as if their ownership was an inconvenient secret kept in a very, very secure Swiss bank vault. Meanwhile, the grand reactivation comes amid repeated appearances of Satoshi-era whales, like spectral remnants of the early internet, suddenly reappearing with enough BTC to keep a small country amused for a decade.

And oh, what a gradual yawn-fest this slowdown has been! February saw the revenue slip to $90 million, March brought it down even more to $37 million, then it lurked stubbornly around the $40 million mark—like a lazy cat refusing to move—until it finally settled at this sad little low. The memecoin mania, once a frenzy of flashing screens and dollar signs, is now nibbling on the crumbs of its former glory, sipping lukewarm lemonade after the summer hype fizzled out. 🍋📉