Crypto news

The ESR plunges to abysmal 2022 depths (0.03), a omen of dwindling short-term supplies and resolute hoarding, that ancient song preceding BTC’s grand recoveries. 📉😂

“Ah, yes,” chuckled one Democratic senator, channeling their inner bureaucratic demon, “these crypto anarchists are clearly Republican plants. After all, who else but GOP goblins would oppose mandatory know-your-customer rules in a sector built on pseudonymity?” Meanwhile, industry reps blinked like stunned owls, wondering if they’d accidentally wandered into a Marx Brothers film-or perhaps a particularly chaotic chapter of The Master and Margarita 🦉🔮

The method? “Quantum echoes,” a technique that involves firing targeted waves at a qubit (the quantum world’s answer to a lightbulb) and listening for the echo. One might imagine it akin to shouting at a wall and claiming victory if it shouts back. 🤖

On Oct. 22, them sleuths at OnchainLens hollered about a coordinated shenanigan from four wallets tied to LuBian, that defunct Chinese mining pool with more skeletons in its closet than a haunted house. 👻 The alert showed two transactions of 4,999 BTC each, alongside 3,424 BTC and 2,535 BTC, all skedaddlin’ to separate hideouts.

This, my dear reader, marks the jolly inaugural bash for a Solana spot ETF in these parts – a veritable first, doncha know?

This devilish dip below psychological sanctuary only cements the infernal downtrend, which has vexed Aster’s fate for nigh two weeks, with nary a plot twist in sight. One wonders if the buyer gods have absconded for a vodka-fueled revelry elsewhere.

Ondo (ONDO) is dancing at about $0.71 with a market cap of $2.3 billion-big enough to matter but not enough to make everyone jealous. It once soared over $2, but now it’s playing hard to get. Support lines have tested it like a stubborn teenager, which might mean it’s ready for a growth spurt. Resistance between $1.17 and $1.70? That’s the line in the sand. Ondo’s big ambition? Tokenizing real-world assets-basically turning your granddad’s antique teapot into digital gold. Long-term growth potential? Think of it as a seed that might someday grow into a tree-if it doesn’t get eaten by bugs.

While Bitcoin clings to its “digital gold” crown, Solana, Ethereum, and BNB Chain sprint ahead, powering DeFi, NFTs, and meme coins with the grace of greased lightning ⚡. But now, enter the scene: Bitcoin Hyper, a Layer-2 solution that’s raised $24.4 million in presale. Is it a miracle or a modern-day Nose? Only time will tell. 😂

“Look, I’ve always said Bitcoin was going to end up being something like electronic gold. It’s a store of value. It promises no return. It’s just… you buy it and hold it for some appreciation. That’s exactly what you do. It’s commodities like gold. That’s it. There’s nothing wrong with it. It has a positive price. It doesn’t have any fundamental value. I don’t think gold has really any fundamental value either,” Waller said, as if he’s explaining quantum physics to a toddler. 🧠👶