Crypto news

Oh, and before you think Bitcoin’s woes were an isolated incident, brace yourself. Ethereum ETFs had a particularly miserable time as well, suffering an additional $248 million in outflows. This marks the fifth consecutive day of investors saying “No thanks” to the ether, led by Fidelity’s FETH, which waved goodbye to a hefty $158 million. The kind of financial exodus that makes one wonder if these investors are going on some sort of group vacation to nowhere.

While Mitchnick, with the grace of a man dodging a question at a grand ball, offered no concrete revelations, he did unfurl the tapestry of BlackRock’s grand strategy-a strategy woven with threads of “client demand,” “investment theses,” and “portfolio considerations.” One might imagine the great Leo himself scribbling in the margins: *“What problem are we solving? Ah, the eternal riddle of man’s folly.”*

Yet, in this twilight of uncertainty, the crypto whales-those silent titans of the deep-have emerged, their appetites whetted by the scent of opportunity. While the masses wail, they feast, their wallets swelling with the spoils of the downtrodden. A spectacle, is it not? 🎭🐳

Apparently, it all started at 11 p.m. UTC when someone at Aster (probably an intern, let’s be real) hard-coded the XPL index price at $1. Yes, $1. As if XPL were a stablecoin, not the fancy native token of Plasma’s blockchain. Meanwhile, the mark price was chilling at $1.22. Then, someone lifted the cap, and boom! Prices hit $4 while other exchanges were like, “Uh, XPL is $1.30? What’s going on here?” 🤷‍♀️

That’s right! Glaidson is making his grand re-entrance after almost three years in a federal prison-think of it as a really long vacation that nobody wanted to go on! 🏖️ Between October 7 and 9, 2025, he’ll be facing the music and maybe even doing the tango with legal woes.

According to Bloomberg Law-usually the harbinger of good news and serious eyebrows raised-this ambitious fund is refreshingly designed to be a “fund of funds.” Sounds like someone is going to brunch and taking a little bit of everything from the buffet! Theta Capital has lofty goals: they’re planning to invest in up to 15 venture capital firms that specialize in digital assets, all while maintaining a net internal rate of return (IRR) of 25%. Because, apparently, “maxing out your credit card just isn’t quite the same.” 🤑

Yet AvaTrade, ever the skeptic, warns that this might be a mirage, a fleeting shadow in the desert of market chaos. “Tread lightly,” they whisper, “for the sands shift beneath your feet, and the RSI may yet lead you to a dune of despair.”

So far, the price of TRX hasn’t exactly plummeted into the abyss just yet. But the real question is: will this juicy tidbit cause any lasting damage to Justin’s *reputation*? Stay tuned. 🍿

Yet, dear reader, take heed! Experts-those wise old owls-warn us that volatility plays fast and loose with these experimental tokens, like a mischievous sprite. 🦉

Ah, XRP, the crypto that loves to play hide-and-seek within a symmetrical triangle on the weekly chart. For nearly a year, it’s been tiptoeing near the upper trendline at $3.44. According to the ever-so-clever EGRAG CRYPTO, this is the moment of truth. Break through, and XRP could leap toward $7.34 – faster than a child to a chocolate factory! 🍫